Beth's Contradictory Brain

Close Call

We came within two feet of being in a six car wreck today! There was a jackknifed 18 wheeler up the highway that caused a backup and the six cars in front of me all rearended each other trying to stop for the traffic backup. I just happened to already be slowing down and stopped in time to miss the cars in front of me and somehow got damn lucky the truck in the lane to the right of me stopped in time to not hit me. UGH! We saw at least four other multi-car wrecks in the next fifty miles. All I could think about was Final Destination 2 :-)

We had a lot of fun with Zachary yesterday and today. It was raining lightly at my parents house while we were playing outside so we played in the rain. Mom said he'd been saying Nerdstar's name all week. By the end of the day he was calling me by Nerdstar's name, too. He's very capable physically, can do tumbling and stuff, but he's not so good with English yet. He calls my brother Da-dee, my dad pa-ee, my mom, Nerdstar and I were all just Da until now. But he knows "cookie" and "waffle" very well!! My parents are going to head down to the coast with some friends the first of October, and are going to drop him off with me for a few days. I can't wait!

Nerdstar doesn't fly out until tomorrow afternoon, so tonight it's more snuggling!!

Where are the leaders?

Yesterday was the 40 year anniversary of Dr. King's I Have A Dream speech. Back at the first of this year I read two of Dr. King's paperback books and was riveted.

Last night, between watching the VMAs and the Dallas Cowboys, I caught part of ABC's special on Dr. King's. Mostly I just wanted to see the footage of the actual speech. Other than the founding fathers, I can't think of any one American more outstanding than Dr. King.

But what I really got to thinking about was why hasn't this country had a leader like that since him?? I'm sure there are conservatives who would argue Reagan was a great leader. And I won't argue that he accomplished some amazing things both for America and the rest of the world. But he wasn't really an inspired/inspiring leader like Dr. King. Even if he was, that was twenty years ago. Where are the leaders for my generation??

It also got me to thinking that while I've been a supporter of Bush and the war on Iraq. Bush has been really disappointing this year. He's failed miserably in being an inspired leader, in a time we still really need one. He's failed in his communication with the American people. Yes, he'd probably be criticized terribly if he appeared to be trying to use the anniversary of 9/11 for political purposes. But there are purposes other than political ones and he should be telling us all the things that are going right and wrong in this war on terror.

It's two years after one of the worst days in American history - where are the leaders with vision and the ability to communicate?

Class Blog

This idea could be interesting - an English class studying blogging had a blog of their own. (Found via BitchGirls) The main page looks to be the professors, and then all of the students have blogs of their own.

What a fascinating way to use blogging in the classroom. Paperless homework :-) A professor who's not using a textbook they wrote as the source material for the class, but actually encouraging students not only to use the internet - but also blogs as references, and encouraging them to put it all out there on their own blogs. Just wait till these nice freshman girls get trolls in their comments.

Check out the assignment on political blogs.

Howdy

To the readers coming from RLP's site (or really, anyone) - if you're interested on my views on God and church - just type in God or religion in the seach box over there and it'll pull up several past entries.

VMA Opening #

OMG. Madonna is one brave woman. The show opens with the music for Like A Virgin - and a big wedding cake. Brittney comes out singing the first verse in a pseudo bridal dress. Then Christina in a very similiar outfit comes out and picks up the chorus. Uh huh - oh the irony. Finally, Madonna comes out in a black pseudo tux. Madonna can't sing for shit, and while she's in shape for her age - her age is starting to show. So to show up with the two hottest younger singers and play it off - dancing with them and then kissing them - way cool. Missy was in there somewhere...

Now it's all about Chris Rock - and he's so fucking funny!!!

Choices

Oh my poor sad neglected empty lonely comments.... :-)

Plan A: Go home and be one with my sofa for the evening. I have a few tv shows recorded I've missed the last couple of days, and I'm feeling the need to lose a few brain cells.

Plan B: Go home and vacuum the floors, sweep up the dead bugs the cats bring in to play with, and shave my legs.

Hmmm... which do you think is more likely??

I pick Nerdstar up at the airport around 2 tomorrow afternoon. Then it's an evening of pizza and the first season of Coupling on dvd.

She got an update on the tests they did on her grandfather - and it turns out to be nothing serious. Her uncle is trying very hard to get her grandmother into the hospital in Houston that is the best in the world for stomach cancer. I don't understand the whole situation, but I still don't think the outlook is all that good.

Saturday we're headed to Dallas to see my family. I know Zachary will be very happy to see her - and in turn that will make her a little happier, too!

Fair and Balanced - The Play

I don't know the author or his works, I don't care about his politics. I just think this play sounds like it would be funny - even if in a sick and twisted kind of way. (found via BoingBoing)

Thirteen

Wow. If you have kids, teach kids, counsel kids, know someone with kids around this age - I'd recommend this movie. It's an intense look at the disconnect that happens with kids and parents and siblings and so on. It's wonderfully written, acted and filmed. You can read better synopsis of this movie than I could write, so I won't bother with that here. I will say that the ending is very powerful.

There was a question and answer time after the movie with Catherine Hardwicke, the director. The thing that stays with me the most from that is her answer to a question about the R rating and people's reaction to the intensity of the movie. She said that people without kids and who don't work with kids were reacting negatively to it, but that teachers and counselors said it was rather mild in some ways - no one gets pregnant or dies or goes to jail or gets seriously hurt. She also talked about the color saturation of the movie - how it's mild in the beginning, then progresses thru the four acts reflecting the mood at the time. It's not overdone, but a nice touch.

She talked about how the film was really born out of her trying to mentor Nikki Reed whom she had known most of Nikki's life. When Nikki hit thirteen Ms. Hardwicke saw all the changes she was going thru and wanted to help her find a creative outlet for all that energy. Nikki wrote a first draft of the movie with her over Christmas break. Ms. Hardwicke said in that draft the adults were essentially two dimentional and evil - so she had to flesh them out in the rewrites. Then they filmed it the next summer.

She talked about Holly Hunter liking the authenticity of the script and signing on and that really helping to get the film made.

I got a chance to talk with Ms. Hardwicke very briefly afterwards, I asked if there was one thing she really hoped to achieve with this film - what would it be. She's really all about kids not feeling they're the only one going thru things, and parents not feeling so alone. We talked about the disconnect and she's hoping the film can really spark conversations. She's also really big into mentoring and giving kids creative alternatives.

It's a movie well worth your time.

Movie Premier

I'm going to a regional preview tonight of Thirteen at the beautiful Paramount Theater. The director will be doing a question and answer afterwards, should be cool!

I'm a fan of Evan Rachel Wood because she was on the cancelled series Once and Again. I still have my favorite episode on tape. Jesse and her friend Katie (played by Mischa Barton who was in Lost and Delirious and is now in Fox's new series The O.C.) finally acknowledge their attraction to each other and kiss - it's so sweet and scared and shy and true. There had been a growing attraction in several preceeding episodes that was so well written and acted. And even though the show was being cancelled and they couldn't focus on this part of the storyline, they made it clear thru the final few episodes that this relationship was going to continue. These actors are so young and they just let everything show in their faces.

Fortunatley, Lifetime is showing the reruns late at night and I can tape them and watch them as I have time. They just started over with the first season which I didn't see the first time around.

(this was a much better written entry before I lost it and had to rewrite it - ugh!)

Grandparents

For the second night in a row, it's midnight and I'm awake. I keep thinking eventually I'll get really tired and won't have trouble falling asleep. Maybe, but tonight isn't that night.

I'm not crying right now, I think I'm too tired for it. My poor Nerdstar got word a couple of weeks ago that her grandmother has inoperable stomach cancer. They also found a lump somewhere on her grandfather and tests were/are going to be run for him. She wasn't really too worried until the last couple of days. But it's looking like it could be months to live for both of her grandparents instead of years.

There is nothing more important to Nerdstar in this world than her grandparents. They helped raise her and she's always been close to them and has always wanted to take care of them. So these illnesses couldn't come at a worse time - with her being on active duty. She's going to try talking with her commander and see if there's any way she can come home and take care of them.

I'm so sad for her. We've talked a lot about her grandparents and them dying in the past four years. And I've dreaded nothing more than this. I've always thought that they'd die within a short time of each other. They've been married for 70 years. They're both over 85 years old. Yet, it's absolutely no comfort - or at least very little - that they've lived long, full lives. I'm amazed they have lived such long lives. They were born in China in 1913 and 1916 (I think). They escaped China to Tawain and eventually her family immigrated to America over the past twenty years or so.

I'm also sad because I'll miss them. They don't speak English, and don't always know what to make of my relationship with Nerdstar, and certainly don't understand the way I eat, but I think they are the cutest little old couple.

It's funny. I always think my emotions are very evident in my face. So I was kinda thrown on Monday, when I was pretty sad for all kinds of reasons, to have one of my coworkers say that I must have had a good weekend with Nerdstar because I looked happier this Monday that most others. Uh, nope, but thanks for playing.

Anyway. We can only wait and see what the next few weeks bring.

Life is a bitch, but death is a cruel bastard!

Home

Lt. Smash is home safe and sound. Here's to the day all the military personnel in Iraq will be home safe and sound and no longer needed there.

9/11 Annivesary

It's really not all that long until the two year anniversary of the worst day I've lived thru as an American. I know this time last year I was still very emotionally affected by 9/11, and the passing of the one year anniversary seemed to be a hurdle that once crossed that brought some healing.

BuzzMachine has some good suggestions for stories for this two year anniversary. Somehow, I think the media's going to screw it up.

I don't have any plans, I won't be taking the day off from work (unless Nerdstar gets orders really fast and I have to go see her off). But I will spend the day thinking of all the lives affected, and wishing it had never happened, and wishing even more that it never happens again.

Gay news

I still puruse Lucianne every day for news stories. I like the site because easy to browse thru headlines and short paragraphs to see what the story is about without having to read the whole thing or even click on a link. Yesterday I noticed three or four stories with gay themes. I thought then about linking them, but thought better of it because I didn't feel up to commenting on the stories. Today, though, there are two or three more. I still don't feel like commenting on them today. But I think it would be interesting to link them as I find them to maybe get an overall view of what different newspapers around the country are reporting. This will never be all inclusive - but that's not my goal. It's also not "gay oriented" reporting.

Bride's magazine does gay wedding story.

OREM, Utah (AP) - Some parents of Orem High School sophomores have sought to pull their children from an honors English class after the teacher allegedly urged students to open their minds regarding sexual orientation and same-sex marriage.

I'm not sure if or how I'll continue to post stuff like this I see. Any suggestions??

Yep

This Zits 8/26 comic strip today pretty much sums it up!!

Bleh

It's Monday and I'm not feeling overly verbose today. I don't remember how I found FictionBitch site, but for all you aspiring writers out there - you might want to check it out.

The 70s

Nerdstar's finally headed back to Houston. She had said she'e be leaving really early this morning, but I got lucky and she didn't leave until around 3 this afternoon. It was three days of eating and getting stuff done. We took Ramen to the vet for more itch medicine, and gave him a bath. Today we went to PF Changs for lunch then went to Central Market (the only grocery store I've seen double as a tourist attraction!) and got some snacky stuff.

I'd be a lot more sad that she left, but I get to see her again next weekend for Labor Day. Then I'll get to see her at least one more time before she heads over to Iraq.

Like Michele, we watched a ton of VH1's I Love The 70s. After watching I Love The 80s, I definitely like the 70s a hell of a lot better. We had a sense of humor in the 70s before PC took over this country like a plague. The 70s were Fat Albert, Saturday Night Live, Blazing Saddles, and Animal House. I remember my parents taking us to the drive in to see Blazing Saddles. My best friend and I didn't really watch the movie too much, we were watching all the other screens to see if there were any "dirty movies" and watching all the people around us. I can still hear my dad laughing, though. Almost all of the definitive "American" films were in the 70s. And there's no comparison to 70s music - actual musians playing real instruments for extended periods of time. And again, can you imagine the uproar there would be if Cocain were released now?

What's weird to me is that being born in 1968, I was just a little kid in the 70s, but so much of it stays with me. I realized that I was under the age of ten when my parents took me and my best friend to see Jaws - what the hell were they thinking?? The first radio station I fell in love with was K104 in Dallas, the black music station.

I'd give anything to have the original Sugarhill Gang album - NOT the remixes - again.

I never had Sea Monkeys or a pet rock though! My best friend and I spent a lot of time riding our bicycles, listening to music, and making up weird stories and recording them on cassettes with sound effects thrown in.

Rebuttal

READ Beth's entry below first!

Hello, this is Nerdstar, aka "Evil Wench", let me just give you my version of the story. Yes, I was late but I had forgotten that Beth did not have the key to the house. I had some pay problems that I needed to take care of at the reserve unit, and it was really important that I touch base with the people who could take care of my problems. I am so terribly sorry that I made Beth wait in the heat!!!!
Dear God, forgive me!!!!
At least my intention is and was never evil!!!

My Evil Girlfriend

Nerdstar made it home safe and sound yesterday afternoon, on time even. She was nice enough to do my laundry while I finished up the work day. (The evil part comes later!) Last night we had dinner at Kirby Lane, a decent restaurant, but not fantastic. She likes the hummus and grape leaves and that sort of thing. I had forgotten why I call her my heat machine, I've never known anyone who put out so much body heat!! In Texas in the summer, that's not a good thing.

Today I was tempted to kill her. I worked a half day today, she had an appointment with a Chinese herbal doctor about her weird skin conditions. The appointment was at 9:30, she had plenty of time to be home by 12:30 so we could go to lunch and be at our hair appointments by 2:30. I snuck out of work early, came home, no Nerdstar. Ok fine, she had fifteen minutes before she was actually late.

Problem one, she has the only house key and it's 100 degrees outside while I'm waiting for her.

Problem two, I don't have access to a phone to call her and find out where the hell she is. She has a terrible habit of wandering off and showing up at least an hour after she's supposed to. It's gotten her in lots of trouble before, it got her in trouble again today. (Here she would inject that she's always in trouble.)

About 1:15 I decide it's possible she's dead somewhere due to a car wreck and I guess I should find a payphone and try to get a hold of her. (She's notorious for not answering her cell phone.)

It's now an hour after she's supposed to be home and I get her on the phone. She was up at the local military post working on some paperwork.

That's nice and fine - except that it's 100 fucking degrees and I'm starving!!! Not to mention I'm livid! I don't have a short fuse, I just have one that's very hard to extinguish once it's lit.

I grab a quick lunch and she finally makes it to the haircut place. We both got really cute, short haircuts. Except with my curls I just end up looking like a twelve year old.

We went to see American Wedding, it was ok. Then we had dinner at Pappadeux.

I've told her she's lucky to get dinner at all - and she'll be even luckier if I don't make her sleep on the sofa. Those are the two worst punishments I can inflict - no food, no snuggles.

Evil Wench is her nickname second only to Nerdstar.

Responsibility

This essay on responsiblity, politics, labels and power is very long, but worth every minute. (found via Instapundit)

I realized a couple of years ago that most political positions come down to this idea of responsibility - Am I responsible for my life or is the government? I am - and I wish with all that I am they'd let me be responsible for it and stay out of it!

Hehehe

When you don't drink caffine on a regular basis, to have it at 7:30 at night and then expect to sleep is rather silly. And silly I was on the phone with Nerdstar last night. The conversation ended up with me doing imitations of 80 year old lesbians having phone sex. (Won't google have fun with that!) Let's just say flannel night gowns, false teeth, dust, and creaking noises were way too involved.

She's supposed to be here by lunchtime today - I'm trying not to watch the clock!!

Nerdistan

This term is still cracking me up! If we owned a house I'd be at Home Depot getting this stenciled on my mailbox, a wooden sign to put over the door and a custom "Welcome to Nerdistan" doormat made!! Nerdstar hasn't had a chance to log onto the internet today, so she doesn't even know they've basically named a type of city after her :-) Let me tell you, that would be one hell of a city!! Maybe I can get her to write up some rules for Nerdistan when I talk to her tonight!

Huh?

Nerdistan?

The decline of the older suburbs in the 1970s and 1980s drove growth out to the urban periphery, even further away from established major metropolitan markets. Smaller-scale, science-based cities emerged in such places as Austin, Salt Lake City, and Raleigh-Durham… Communities such as these cannot be described as either "suburbs" in the conventional sense or even as "edge cities" attached to the periphery of a major city. They neither depend upon the core city for employment, like many older suburbs, nor seek to duplicate the traditional functions of the urban core, as is the case of featureless, ill-defined conventional "overgrown" suburbs that have emerged as exurban business hubs.

Austin may be classified as a Nerdistan, but its status as a government & university town has also folded a very vibrant artistic & cultural scene onto the classic template. New Urbanist efforts at the neighbourhood, district, or regional level could add even more, enhancing the Austin experience in the near term and preventing breakneck growth from compromising it in the longer term.

My first thought at seeing the word Nerdistan is that Austin is only Nerdistan in that it's where my girl, Nerdstar, lives :-)

This was written back in 2001. It might have been more accurate then. The tech bust changed some of this. Over all not a bad look at my hot little city.

Pissed Again

I was nice and didn't go into a rant about the military and how it doesn't consider me a "spouse" and all the trouble that causes. I was feeling a little more mellow, and distracted by other things in my head.

But, this pisses me off:

The following are excerpts from a sermon given recently by the Rev. Steven R. Randall at St. Timothy's Episcopal Church in Catonsville, Md.
Our country was shocked and shaken down to our very core [on September 11, 2001] as terrorists who had no regard for the lives of thousands of people but served a false god of violence and blind destruction attacked our country.
Like many of you, I feel like our church has been hijacked by misguided and in some cases evil terrorists. And like those planes of [September 11], our church is being used to destroy not only those inside in the name of some false god, but to destroy the lives of others, outside the church — people like you and me who don't yet know the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ.

You CANNOT compare the 9/11 hijackers to people thinking that maybe, just maybe the church should be a little more loving instead of condeming. Bastard. Now, I understand most of what he says in the rest of this article. But nothing can justify his opening comparison.

Close

Close but not close enough. Nerdstar got into Houston about 6:30 this morning. She has taken a week of leave time to see her family. She hasn't seen them since she left the on first of May and might not see them again until next May if she's sent to Iraq. She's going to drive up to Austin Thursday to be home for a couple of days. We've got an appointment at the really cool hair salon I got my last haircut at. We've got another list of restaurants. And then there's the usual odds and ends to straighten up. Mostly there's lots of snuggling to catch up on.

Ms. Smash wrote an entry about having Lt. Smash come home. I can mostly relate to what she's saying. I've realized even more lately that I can't imagine how hard her being gone would be if we had real kids (as opposed to pets). It's hard enough keeping up with the pets that we have. Silly apparently has worms. Ramen is back to itching like crazy. Feeding, walking, take care of.

As I've mentioned, I lived alone for a long time before I met Nerdstar. I'm good at it. Going to restaurants, movies, bookstores, whatever, alone doesn't bother me too much. But I really, really don't like it.

So here's to all the military wives/husbands out there who suck it up and do the best they can while their spouse is out keeping the rest of us safe and helping others be just a little more free. It's harder than you think!!

This Blog

Michele wrote: Sometimes I'll go to a blog on my blogroll and wonder why there are no comments and why the blog does not have a bigger audience. So, I finally decided to try link whoring just a little (it's just not something I'm usually comfortable with) and left a comment that I think my blog needs a lot more readers - and hopefully with more readers - more comments.

The hardest thing about blogging is something I've written before, that it feels like standing in front of an audience of mutes blindfolded trying to tell them stories and entertain them. I'm not sure this site could ever be as interactive as I'd like, but to have a whole page of entries without comments depresses the hell out of me. And trust me, with Nerdstar gone, I'm sad enough. (nope, no emotional blackmail there!)

There are many good sites out there - obviously I think those on my blogroll are truly worth reading every day. I know you can get news and commentary on a hundred sites that are faster and better than this one. So that's not what this site is about. I'm also not big on all the incestuousness of the blogosphere, ie the Frank J. vs Glenn war. I don't have many readers, but I don't think that's what they come here for. These entries are truly just a reflection of what's in this strange little brain of mine, or things on other sites that I think are funny, or worth reading, and I link to them.

Boys and Girls

Lord of the Flies has always fascinated me, and I've long wished that I had the skills to write an all girl version. So, when I ran across Boys Alone and Girls Alone on Trio while channel surfing, I knew I had to record them so I could watch them later.

Boys Alone tested the common belief that a pack of boys left together in a house with no adult control for a long period of time will self-destruct ­- the theory couldn't have been more right. This film applies the same house rules and observes what happens when ten 12 year old girls are left in a house alone for five days.

In Boys Alone, ten 11-12 year old boys are left alone for five nights, six days in a two story house. In Girls Alone, the girls are 10-11 and in the same situation. During the day there are camera men there, and at night there are cameras in the bedrooms. There is a door with a bell they can ring to leave, call for help, ask to see their parents or a nurse or a psychologist. Both houses had plenty of toys and activities, food, and anything else they would need. They were given basic cooking lessons the week before.

They were utterly fascinating. Both sets if kids dissolved into chaos pretty quickly. At the end of the first day, though, the boys looked around, saw that they had a complete mess on their hands, and elected a leader. His leadership lasted about 24 hours, but he took it seriously enough to look after the weakest boy. But within 48 hours of entering the house, the boys had pretty much destroyed their surroundings and knew that any attempt at cleaning or anything else was totally useless. By the end of the fourth day, everything in the house was destroyed. There was a lot of agression, but no one got hurt. None of the boys choose to leave, but they did ring for the psychologist at one point. They had made one boy the scapegoat for all the destruction. While talking with the psychologist they did admit it wasn't just him and all took a little more responsibility.

The girls were less agressive, but two of them did opt to go home instead of staying the whole time. Both times the remaining girls would spend the next several hours all close together. I can't say the girls were any better at cooking or cleaning, but they didn't have the total destruction the boys did. Their last night they had a talent show/contest.

In both houses they were divided into those who wanted to get some sleep and those who wouldn't let them. Five nights of very little sleep, and five days of an almost total sugar diet really took it's toll on them.

I don't think these weeks are any indication of what kids would do if truly left alone for extended periods. One thing both groups really understood was that this was a limited time deal with NO consequences. They weren't really happy with their surroundings once destroyed, but they knew it was going to end soon and they could go back to normalcy easily. One of the girls even stated that the whole point was to stay up and have as much fun as possible while they could.

If you have this channel thru your cable company, I'd recommend watching it.

Blackout Explanation

I'm sure most of you have read this already (since I found it on Instapundit) but just in case, this seems to be the best explanation for the blackout I've read so far.

Because it's friday

Whale Farts

Fun at Funny Papers

Last week I mentioned that after seeing Northfork, I spent some time in Funny Papers, a comic book store in the same building. The guy working there, Tim, and I got to talking about Sandman and he said that they were having their next book discussion on Seasons of Mist. I figured I might as well check it out.

So, last night I had dinner at East Side Cafe - a very quaint restaurant here. They turned an old house into a restuarant, complete with a garden out back so the food is always wonderfully fresh. They have about four or five tables per room, and because the rooms are small you can pretty much hear all the other tables' conversations. Normally the people there are just weird enough that you don't mind hearing their conversations.

Then I headed over to Funny Papers. Tim was the only one there and then one of the other guys showed up. They then had this hysterical conversations about the guys plans to apply his comic book collecting skills to serial killing. He would pick a graduating class from a small school about fifteen years ago and kill them all. He said he wouldn't take souviners like a lot of serial killers because it'd be more about "getting the set." I'd been there for less than ten minutes and I was already laughing!

It ended up being me and six guys who are complete comic book geeks. In spite of me not having read any comic books other than the Sandman series, The Tick, and a few Dork Towers, I didn't feel at all like an outsider. They were all very nice, extremely well versed in the world of comic books, and very funny.

In discussing the book, one guy asked if people really want to be punished like Lucifer says they do. I responded, "Of course, otherwise there wouldn't be any Catholocism." That pretty much sealed them thinking I fit right in. It was so cool to hear these guys talk about the book and the whole series and all the backstories - there's so much I don't know about all of it.

The best part, though, was after the book discussion, Tim and the serial killer guy (GRIN) told the story of the guy's 21st birthday and Tim taking him to a strip club on a Sunday night. Two strippers said they'd meet up with them at 2:30 in the morning at Denny's when they got off work. So, Tim and SK Guy take a chance and show up there. The strippers were actually there. The night progresses and SK Guy ends up taking one of the strippers home and "not sleeping - twice." I can't do the story any justice at all, but we were all laughing our butts off. The moral of the story seemed to be that if SK Guy hadn't taken a job in a comic book store, he would never have gotten to sleep with a stripper.

They meet every other week, and I'd really love to go again, just to hear their stories and discussions, but I won't have read whatever they'll be discussing. I'll probably go at least one more time and check it out.

Oh, I also picked up 1602. I really think it's going to be a great story arc, but I have to read it again before I can get a handle on who all the characters are.

Update: I read the link I posted about 1602 and now feel kinda silly about not knowing the characters in 1602. They're all from the Marvel universe. I kinda got that when reading it, but not enough. Once again, the internet is a wonderful thing!

Weather Blogging

Amazing. It's 80 outside and overcast at 2:30 on August 14 in Austin. Very strange indeed. And if the storms in Florida move this way, it might be a rainy weekend, too. Other than plans to go out motorcycle riding all day Sunday, I would be happy with a cloudy rainy weekend.

See, you get weather blogging if you don't ask your dear blogger interesting questions :-)

I Work With Fools is my offer for better reading.

Let It Rain

I can't recall there ever being a rainy day in August with a high temp of about 86 here in Austin. This is GREAT!! Rain showers, lightening, thunder... nice.

Unfortunately, it apparently has my brain a bit soggy so I don't have much to write about. The pets are still driving me crazy. Every night I tell Nerdstar she needs to come home and take care of her sons - because it's never my Silly cat waking me up in the middle of the night.

It's not even 9:30, but lying in bed listening to the rain and thunder sounds like a good idea to me.

Sweet Dreams...

Downtown Austin

Reading Lileks today about downtown Fargo helped me finally realize just what it is about Austin I think is so cool. There's a 50,000 student university downtown. Crazy huh? But it keeps Austin alive and hip.

As long as I've lived here it's been safe to go downtown at any hour and wander around because there are hundreds of other people (ok, some stumbling more than wandering) doing the same thing. On 6th Street you have the college kids and the shot bars and the live music and Esther's Follies - fantastic comedy.

Two blocks down and ten streets over you have the Warehouse District on 4th Street that is my favorite area in the city. Sure, it tends to the trendy side, but it's still one of the most ecclectic city blocks I've seen. There's Ruta Maya's Coffee Shop - all about the hippies. Across the street is OilCan Harry's - Austin's club for all the pretty gay boys. There's Fado's - a hip little pub. Cedar Street - they took the space between two three story buildings, put in some tables and a stage and got the best jazz bands in town to play there. Around the corner is PolyEsthers - all the 70s and 80s you can handle. Across the street from them is the first Alamo Draft House movie theater where you can enjoy pizza and beer with your movie. Within two city blocks you've got the hippies, tourists, hipsters and gay boys. What more could you ask for?

A couple of streets over the other direction are the Austin Music Hall and LaZona Rosa - two of the best music venues in the city.

I haven't even gotten into all the cool places on South Congress - SoCo.

Now, if the weather would just cool off enough I could go enjoy wandering around this lovely city.

Storms

No questions huh? Okey Dokey then.

Today was my first day with my new office hours. 8:30 to 5 instead of 7:30 to 4:00. This not only means I get to sleep a little later every day. It also means my lonely evenings without Nerdstar won't be so long. But the best part is I don't have to start my day at the front desk having to be nice that early in the morning!!

Well, I finally got the rainstorms I've been wanting. We also got very lucky that our cars didn't get any hail damage, our electricity didn't go, out and our roof and trees weren't blown away. Austin didn't get any tornadoes last night, but we got 70 mph winds and part of the city lost electricity for quite a while and traffic on the main highway was at a standstill because a powerline was down on it. Our kids are crazy though. Ramen is scared of lightening. Silly got caught out in the downpour. And Little Man was crying because I wouldn't open the door so he could go out and play in the rain.

Ask Away

Ahhh Mondays. What would life be without them? Much better probably. Not that this one is going badly, it's rather nice, for a Monday.

Anyway. I'm feeling like a lazy blogger. I don't have much to talk about today. So... here's your chance. If you're a regular reader or just got lost in the internet and found yourself here today, leave me a question about anything you want to know, and I'll answer it.

Lovely Saturday

I had a lovely day today. It was an Austin day. Sometimes I really do love this city. It's small town feel. The winding roads. It's quirkiness. (For the past year or so the locals wear t-shirts that say "Keep Austin Weird".) I hit two of the better Austin landmarks today - Amy's Ice Cream and The Dobie Theater.

Eric went to see Northfork with me. It's definitely the hardest movie to describe I've seen. You can't even really compare it to foreign films. It's beautiful to watch. The characters are wonderfully strange - in the end I couldn't even tell you which ones were "real" and which weren't. And the puns and jokes were fantastic! Although only maybe seven or eight of us in an audience of fifty or more were laughing.

There's also a comic book store in the Dobie Tower called Funny Papers. I picked up two more in the Sandman series, now the only one I don't have is number 6. I also looked thru a copy of Roman Dirge's collection of the first four comic books with Lenore - Michele's little dead girl. Very sick stuff - yet also very amusing.

It's about 8 pm and I'm in for the night. The rain didn't quite make it all the way down to Austin - that makes me sad. There's still a chance of rain tonight and tomorrow. A good storm would make me very happy.

I hope your day was as lovely!

More Neil

I love Amazon.com. Yesterday I finally got my order of Wolves in the Walls, Coraline, and Sandman Season of Mists by Mr. Gaiman.

I loved Season of Mists. It's another one of his that I'll be reading many times over to get the full scope and impact. What I got out of it the first time thru is that hell is really something we create for ourselves and punish ourselves with. In it once again Lucifer is God's advisary, but states he has no interest or involvement in the lives of men or the fate of their souls - why would he?

"They use my name as if I spend my entire day sitting on their shoulders, forcing them to commit acts they would otherwise find repulsive. The Devil made me do it. I have never made one of them do anything. Never. They live their own tiny lives. I do not live their lives for them. And then they come here (having transgressed against what they believe to be right) and expect us to fulfill their desire for pain and retribution. I don't make them come here. They talk of me going around and buying souls, like a fishwife come market day, never stopping to ask themselves why. I need no souls. And how can anyone own a soul? No. They belong to themselves... they just hate to have to face up to it."

I love that in this book in the series he gives us a better look at Dream's family - Death, Desire, Delirium, Destiny, and Despair. Fantastic characters.

I love that Lucifer shuts down hell and hands the key to Dream, who then has all these wonderful characters come to him who think they should have it, only for it to end up in the hands of two angels God more or less pushes out of heaven.

You really, really should be reading this man's writings.

Suicide Girls has a neat interview with Neil here.

Men

Michele says Dean is asking what she likes about men. Well, I don't like Dean, but I do like Michele. As for men...

I've always had a hard time figuring out why women prefer the company of men over other women. Even before I knew I was a lesbian, I prefered the company of other girls.

It wasn't until I was in college that I realized there are women who really don't like other women. I was stunned. Growing up I was friends with a lot of really great girls. I had the same best friend from kindergarten thru high school graduation. Boys were fun for dating and making out with, but I always figured my friendships with girls were forever. I was never just friends with a guy until college - dating thru high school kind of prevented that.

But - the topic at hand is what I like about men. I usually joke that they're really good for fixing my car and mowing my lawn :-)

Back in my church doing days one of my best friends was a guy named John. He was the kindest, sweetest man. It was easy to hang out with him and talk with him. And my new found friend from my blog, Eric, is a great guy. Again, easy to talk to and hang out with. I find him a welcome relief from the women I'm surrounded by at work who can only manage to talk babies, houses, husbands, and diets.

It's not really about gender though. It's about humor and intelligence. Although, lately I'd have to say I feel I have more in common with some men than with other lesbians if the blogs I read are a decent indicator of such things.

As for anatomy - ain't nothing like watching a woman who's comfortable in her skin walk - and ain't nothing like the taste, smell and feel of my girl - mmmmmmm.

Good news

There are no splashy headlines: "If your dress size is under four, you have the highest risk of dying young!" "Dieting quadruples your risk of dying early!" "Being overweight as you age quadruples your chances of living longer!"

Mental Masochist

Hi, my name is Beth. I'm a mental masochist.

I made it in to work today. It helps tremendously to know I've got the next two days off. My brain is worse than a pit bull when it gets a hold of an idea. I've gotten it entrenched in my brain that I am not happy at my job. No amount of reasoning seems to be making a dent in this idea. I don't know if my brain gets bored, tired out, or distracted, but sometimes time helps. So, I keep telling myself to hang in there until Nerdstar is done with this army stuff.

I am slowly working on finding other sources of income. I'm also working on the courage to talk to my boss about being unhappy with this job. Unfortunately, her boss is out of town until late next week. I'm still mulling over the idea of just taking a month to six weeks off.

Anyway. I know this is getting very boring to read about. But my brain is like a needle stuck on an old 45. Hmmm... wonder what the tune is. Ozzy's Crazy Train comes to mind.

For my Girl

Man, I didn't end up getting to sleep until almost 4 am. So, about 3 am I left my boss a voicemail saying I wouldn't be in today. I slept until about noon and have spent the day straightening up things around the house, watching tv, buying new sheets, you know, those kinds of things. Much better than being at work!

My only comment on this whole Arnold for governor thing - all of the newscasters are having way too much fun imitating his accent!!

Nerdstar thinks that my praise of her was a little too short. So...

Nerdstar is so wonderful. She has the most handsomest of feet. Her dedication to me is rivaled only by her love of the pets and her love for food. She has talents I can't specify on a family friendly website - but trust me, talented is a mild word for my girl. Nerdstar is a snuggle bunny extraordinare! I am so thankful that her "five more minutes" has lasted over four years. Simply put, my life would suck more than bearable if I didn't have my Nerdstar in it!

Why participate in religion?

Cyn has some great comments on the gay bishop post below. She brings up the question of why gays would ever want to be a part of organized religion at all, much less be bishops and priests.

There are so many reasons why, but for me, going to church was a part of growing up and became a part of my life before being gay became a part of my life.

My parents started taking me to church when I was about five. My parents still go to that same church. It was a given that I would be in church twice on Sunday and on Wednesday night. In the summers during middle school the first week of summer was church camp.

Once I starting fooling around with boys in middle school, guilt became a huge underlying thing in my life. When I had my first girlfriend my senior year in high school, there were a lot of Sunday mornings I'd wait for my parents to go to church early, then I'd go to her house and crawl into bed for a while and then rush to church. I made it thru that year - coming out in high school slowly but surely, dealing with knowing my parents were completely unhappy with me, those sorts of things. Then I went off to a Baptist university. I had a lot of the same feelings Cyn had - thinking if they only knew I was gay, they'd feel very differently about me. There were a total of three friends who knew I was gay my freshman year.

My sophomore year was when being gay and religion collided in my life. The guilt was too much for our relationship and it ended. I spent the next seven or eight years completely devoted to God and church.

The whole reason I moved to Austin was to attend a church I thought was really cutting edge and fantastic. Within a year that church totally broke apart and no longer existed. That was probably the beginnings of my complete disenchantment with organized religion.

I tried everything in those seven years to not be gay, to do whatever God wanted me to do with my life. And at the height of that struggle I fell in love with Caroline, and the love I had for her changed my life. It was the first time I felt no guilt for loving someone.

It wasn't the whole gay/Christian thing that really settled for me that I could not participate in organized religion. It came down to a difference in theology. I think there's a whole level of being free from sin, of not being under the (religious) law and of grace that the modern church hasn't even begun to understand or realize. The message of the church I went to recently was supposed to be about freedom in Christ, but it really came down to being free do as that congregation thought a "real" Christian should. That's not freedom.

Anyway.

I still miss the fellowship of people who share similar beliefs. If I could find a congregation that was full of worship and the prophetic and didn't see my lifestyle as something sinful and rebellious against God, I'd love to participate. There were times of worship in that first church I moved here for that I'll never forget. I felt the love and peace of God like no other times.

Hehehe

It's 2 am and obviously I'm not sleeping. This picture alone is worth being awake and surfing at this time of night. Please - go see it and leave a caption for Spoons.

Gay Bishop

Surprisingly, I haven't paid much attention to this story. When there were the last minute false accusations, I was pissed - that's just a horrible way to treat someone - period!

I've written much before on my faith, my leaving the church, my relationship with God. I could probably write much more (and I'm sure I will over time as these things continue to change in my life). I don't think I could ever be a part of denominational religion again. That's part of why I haven't taken a big interest in this story.

It's weird for me to read the reaction of straight people who feel their church has been taken away from them and feel like outsiders in it. That makes me a little happy - the shoe is on the other foot. They might get a small taste of what I've felt (and so many countless others have felt) for the past five years. Unfortunately, I don't think it will lead them to the idea that maybe, just maybe, God's love really is unconditional and they're wrong to judge anyone.

Anyway - this is a hard entry to write, I know I could offend so many, or could be completely misunderstood, or start silly semantics arguments.

Sleep

Yawn. Well, I left work at 11 this morning and came home and slept all day - it was very nice! It's tempting to just call in sick again tomorrow. But, I'm sure after more sleep tonight I can make it thru work tomorrow. Two more days and then it's the weekend. I can make it two more days.

I mailed in my application for substitute teaching yesterday - hopefully they'll contact me about orientation this week or next. I think it would help my brain a lot to know I've got an alternative to the job I have now. It might give me the courage to go talk to our office manager about everything. I'm such a complete wuss!!

I don't think I've mentioned lately just how wonderful Nerdstar is. Sometimes it's hard for me because she's not very emotional or always good with expressing how she feels. But I know she loves me very, very much and would do anything for me. More than that though, she puts up with me! Trust me, you have no idea how hard that is! She's not good at helping me make decisions, but she supports me in whatever I want to do - even if it's be a complete lazy bum and quit work and live on her paycheck :-) And as much as I know her being gone is hard on me, it's at least as hard on her - probably harder. She has to be with people she doesn't always like very much 24/7. She has to sleep on a cot with a sleeping bag in very old barracks with no a/c. She knows that the worst is still to come.

Yes, I know this situation isn't permanent, but man it sucks in the meantime.

Funny

Since it is beyond my power to be funny today... this list of the 15 worst Americans is a must read!!! Really - go read!

Bleh

For the past three nights I've gotten about four hours of sleep each. For the past three days I've had two moods - completely aggravated and totally sad. All that makes it hard to blog.