Beth's Contradictory Brain

Austin Icon

I'm finding it more and more interesting to go out to the bar by myself. I don't usually drink and I get there before there's a cover charge, so it's cheaper entertainment than going to a movie! What's interesting about not drinking is when people come over and talk to you, they all want to buy you a drink.

Last night there wasn't a huge crowd so I was sitting at a little table where I could watch basketball on a big screen tv and watch everyone come to the upstairs bar. This older man with scraggly hair, mustache and beard wearing a women's blouse, skirt, pantyhose and heals comes in. My only thought was, why would anyone who doesn't have to wear pantyhose? Then this lady asks if she can share the ashtray and set her drink down for a few minutes. Sure, I say. She introduces herself and the scraggly man. Turns out he's none other that Austin's notorious icon Leslie. What a riot! He kept telling me very amusing, very dirty jokes, and all about the first time he was picked up by a drag queen.

I find the less you talk, the more strange the things are people in a bar will tell you.

Bleh

I miss my girl. A lot.

The places I've been

The majority of this traveling has been done driving, with my family when I was young, or with Nerdstar in the past five years.

When I was little, we'd drive to Oklahoma to go camping, or to Tennessee or New Mexico to visit my dad's familiy. I think I was fifteen or sixteen when we drove to St. Louis. All of this was from Dallas.

In high school and college I think I ended up on about four road trips to Colorado to go skiing - from Dallas or Austin.

Nine or ten years ago I drove with my family out to SF, again from Dallas. I stayed with a friend from college and they stayed with family. We drove the 36 hours straight thru, my dad and I taking turns driving and sleeping. On the way back I wanted to see the Grand Canyon. See it was about all we did. We got to some part of it around 3:30 in the morning so we all slept in the van until the sun came up, took a look around, and hit the road for home. I hope to one day take a few days and do some white water rafting thru the Canyon.

Nerdstar and I took a month long road trip not long after we met from Austin up thru the east coast to Toronto and back. That was the best month of my life.

I think it was two years ago we drove to Sante Fe for New Year's Eve.

Even when we fly to a destination, we end up doing a lot of driving around and seeing the scenery.

There's just nothing like a good road trip! If I thought there was a market for it, I'd do road trip planning for people!

See Extended Entry for map.

Disney/Pixar

I'm listening to CNBC while checking my email and such and just heard that Pixar is walking away from trying to work out a new distribution deal with Disney. That makes me very happy!!

I bought Pixar stock probably two years ago and it's done really well for me. I figured I couldn't go wrong buying a company that has such an excellent product. Disney, on the other hand, just continues to suck. Brother Bear - oh please. What drivel.

Speaking of CNBC, I recorded and watched the first episode of Dennis Miller's new show. I like his ideas, liked his interview with Arnold, didn't like the same old panel of opposing ideas talk fest. Hopefully he'll find his niche and do very well.

9/11 and voting

Michele has another great post 9/11 entry today, about the victims she hasn't really thought about as much as the people in the Twin Towers.

I don't remember exactly where Nerdstar and I were flying to the first time we flew after 9/11 (probably Vegas) but I remember spending a lot of time that flight thinking about all the people on the four planes 9/11. I thought a lot about knowing you would die, the phone calls they made - and didn't make. And tried so hard to imagine what I would do. And honestly, I had no idea then and I have no idea now. You can't know until you're in that situation. If Nerdstar wasn't with me would I call her or my parents? How do you choose?

And every time I think about all that happened that day I still just get stunningly angry. I'm so glad there are people preserving the voices from that day.

I was thinking last night in bed after I had listened to some of the post primary speeches given by Kerry, Dean, Edwards and Lieberman. I truly believe that 9/11 was a direct result of eight years of a democrat being in the White House. And if for no other reason than that, I could never vote for a democrat. If 9/11 did not bring about a real change in democrats' view of the world and our place in it, then nothing will. And it's not like I've ever been thrilled by their domestic agenda either.

I just wish there was a presidential candidate out there whose platform was:

national defense - understanding terrorism and what it takes to prevent it.

stopping the war on drugs - we spend more on this war than the war on terrorism, and it's just stupid. legalize recreational drugs already and tax them and we'll balance the budget.

a flat tax - enough with complicated progressive taxes, stop punishing ambition.

smaller government - we don't need a nanny state, get out of our pocketbooks and bedrooms. If the government is going to act like our parents, then I wish they'd start with tough love and stop with the welfare state already.

I just don't see that message coming from anyone, and I'll never understand why not.

Survey Says

The sociologist in me is going to show again. The internet has been around long enough and many of the people I know who are in relationships met their love interest/partner/significant other/spouse etc. online - whether thru chat rooms or now thru blogs. I'd love to see a study that compared the length and health of relationships that started online and moved to "real life" compared to those of couples who met in bars or thru friends or at work or whatever. I've always thought online relationships stood a better chance because they're based on brains and personality not lust at first sight.

Any thoughts?

Vote For Me!

Voting is open over at Blog Madness. I'm up against the wildly talented Mudville Gazette. Just my luck in the first round.

Woohoo

If I have to be woken up by the phone ringing, it sure is nice to have the voice on the other end be Nerdstar!! What a nice surprise! She says she can now tell the difference in what an incoming IED (improvised explosive device) and RPG (rocket propelled grenade) sounds like. Great. Fortunately the guys firing them are lousy at it. Her poor roommate is just nice enough and good looking enough that she constantly has guys hitting on her. When it's probably about a 400 or 500 to 1 ratio of men to women I can only imagine. Still no word on when she might get her two weeks leave. She's been lucky so far in not betting sick. There was a stomach virus going around and her roommate got the flu. Sounds like she's hanging in there.

Never Happy

I've been out of the house more than usual the past 24 hours and now I feel like I'm behind on my tv watching.

Last night the rain cleared in time for me to head out to the same new gay/lesbian club I was at last week. Two quick observations: way too many lesbians are shaped like weebles and the better looking you are, the later you arrive at the club.

I snuck into some event on one side of the club where a lot of nonprofit orgs had tables set up. There was some sort of voting system and the two top vote getting orgs get proceeds of something or other this year. (Yes, I'm a very bad blogger and didn't get every last detail.) The way to sneak into someplace is just keep walking like you're supposed to be there. Crowded hallways are very helpful.

I did meet a very nice lesbian couple and spent the evening talking with them. Hopefully we'll hang out again sometime. I also think I've ran into almost every lesbian I've ever known in this city (which is maybe four). It's cool to finally have a decent lesbian club in this city! I think they were smart to premier The L Word last week and draw in a normally non club going crowd. Then the event last night did the same. Somebody got smart.

Today I spent a couple of hours signing up for 50 hours of volunteer work during SXSW March 11 - 20th. I've been to a few random concerts or events in the past few years, but never really put a lot of time into SXSW. I'll be doing things from driving people around in a van to taking tickets at film premiers to checking to make sure people really have access to get where they're trying to go. All of this should get me an all access pass to the film and interactive parts of the festival. Which means I'll be at the Bloggies. It should be a fun time people watching if nothing else. Nothing like a lot of people in one place who all think they're way more important than they are.

Now I'm all settled in to watch the Golden Globes and the second episode of The L Word.

Small World

How fun! For the second time, Michele has been brave and kind enough to open up her blog to guests bloggers - any guest bloggers. Last time I put up a fairly inane post and got a lot of people checking out my little site too. Way cool. Even got a comment from Lileks - can't beat that.

So, I'm checking out the posts from people tonight and run across two cool things.

First is a mention of Five Iron Frenzy. They're a christian ska band I listened to about seven years ago. Very fun happy music. I even saw them play live at the same event I saw a ska band from Tokyo who didn't speak any English play. Someone in the comments is looking for a copy of their cd I have - if she emails me she's in luck!

Then, scroll, scroll, and there's a post about a documentary I watched yesterday that I thought about writing about and then didn't. Terry Gilliam was trying to make a movie about Don Quixote (I'm sure that's spelled wrong) and it just ended up being a disaster. It was fascinating to see all the things that can go wrong when trying to make a movie. Then, by coincidence, I ended up watching my Life of Brian dvd and listening to the commentaries.

A Small Victory leads to a small world.

Friday Night Rambling

It's my blog and I'm ramble if I want to. Seems to be my latest Friday night trend anyway.

It's 12:34 a.m. I look at the clock at 12:34 day and night all the time. Have for years. I think it's cool.

Pets have no concept of "I'm busy" or "you're in my way".

I love the commentaries on dvds. I love hearing all the hows and whys of making movies and tv shows. It's tedious work. Some film that I don't think ever made it even to video spent about eight hours filming in the restaurant I worked in a few years ago. I hung out to watch for a while, and even got to be an extra for five seconds of film time. It got to be boring to watch them shoot the same scene from twenty different camera angles. By the end of the shoot I knew all the dialogue.

While I'm very happy to be able to communicate with Nerdstar on a regular basis, (that's why I'm up late - hoping to being able to IM with her again) I'm still sick to death of not having a good friend to hang out with and talk to on a regular basis. I've ran into old friends and met new people, but then I never hear from them.

I called the temp agency today to see if they had anything for next week. The lady kindly informed me that I hadn't been updated in the system as available. Uh... hello? I sent in my resume almost two weeks ago and confirmed that they received it. What did the woman do with it - file it away and forget about it? UGH! I'll probably call back on Monday and make sure everything is in order.

It just started raining. It's supposed to rain all day tomorrow. Then sunshine on Sunday. I think I'm ready for spring. The weather has been just cold and windy enough, or rainy enough, to prevent me from piling Ramen in the car and driving to a park and walking around. I have a feeling I'm going to be very tempted to do road trips this spring. Unfortunately, I don't really have anywhere in particular to go.

My life feels very surreal. I know this won't last, but...

Smoke

The universe is apparently quite content that my house stay messy in spite of me having all the time in the world to keep it clean.

One of my houseshoes got soaked yesterday trying to get the water out of the dog crate in the back yard. This means I've had to walk barefooted on our carpet for over 24 hours. Two cats and a dog mean that there is probably enough fur in the carpet for another small cat. Enough is enough.

I clear the floors, get out the vacuum cleaner, spread the nice smelling powder all over the floor and get to work. Halfway thru there's an icky smell coming from the vacuum. I stop it, try to check it out, and start it up again. Then there's these nice little whisps of smoke coming from it.

I'll be heading to walmart to get a new vacuum cleaner tomorrow. Smoke and cleaning powder smells don't really mix very well.

Not fun!

Small Sample

It's hard to explain just how much Nerdstar's life is all about food, or how random our conversations can be. This is just a small sample of our IM in the wee hours of the morning:

bethlyn327: i'm so ready for you to be home
cinchsack: I am ready to be home!
bethlyn327: so we can travel around
bethlyn327: Vegas, NYC
cinchsack: yes
bethlyn327: and anywhere else you want
cinchsack: cake town
cinchsack: cheese city
bethlyn327: nerd
cinchsack: heheheh
cinchsack: that would be so nice!
cinchsack: ice cream mountain
cinchsack: pizzaville
bethlyn327: i'm so glad you fantasize about food and not other women!
cinchsack: you should know that by now
cinchsack: you and food
cinchsack: food and you are on the top of my list
cinchsack: of course, you are on the very top
bethlyn327: it'll be a month of nonstop food and sex when you get back
cinchsack: that's right!

The Madness Begins

Pete and Manny over at Blog Madness have worked out the seedings of all the entries, competition will get under way soon. I'll keep a link in the top spot of my blogroll during the whole thing and let you know when to go vote for me :-)

Funny

Regardless of whether this is truth or fiction, the following cracked me up! I can just imagine life in the military with Skippy! Courtesy of Nerdstar.

Blush

I've been thinking about this topic, but debating whether I'm bold enough to blog about it. But, a couple of chicks on my blogroll over there *cough* Abby and Emily *cough* have been pretty bold today, so what the heck!

Ok, we all know Nerdstar's in Iraq for a year. Which translates into no sex for a year. Well, here's the part where I start blushing. What it really translates into is a rediscovery of self love. I'm far from being a prude, but self love has never been something I was very enthusiastic about. But I'm finding that having a stress free life has freed up my libido - and it's just me here!

That's not what I really want to write about though. What I'm interested in is fantasies!! As in - what are yours??

I obviously think about Nerdstar a lot during those times. But there might be one or two other people who cross my mind, especially if I've seen a movie or tv show with a hot chick or two in it. But I'd feel guilty if I fantasized about real life people I know instead of Nerdstar.

So, if you're in a committed relationship - are there any do's and don'ts on fantasies? Are your fantasies yours alone and you're free to do whoever, whatever in them?

Come on - spill it!!

Once more

As usually happens, I finally decide to go to bed and try to get some sleep and my brain comes up with something decent to blog about.

I listened to the State of the Union tonight. I consider myself to be a conservative, leaning a lot towards liberterian. I've supported our endeavors in Iraq and the war on terror.

Naturally, I liked the parts of the speech where Bush talks about how those things are going, how proud he is of the soldiers and how much he supports them.

Later in the speech he feels the need to pander to the right that is farther right than me and say that marriage needs defending, just like he says freedom needs defending.

But he's defending marriage from some of the same people who are defending our freedom. People like my Nerdstar and I.

We're sacrificing almost two years of our lives being apart. And most days I feel that as long as she comes home safe and Iraq becomes a truly democratic place, then the sacrifice is ok with me.

But it really pisses me off that apparently we're not equal enough to get married.

I don't know who people think gay people are. But mostly, we're just like everyone else; soldiers, lovers, unemployed, friends, clerks, family, tech support, teachers, nurses.

I know, I'm mostly preaching to the choir, but it helps to articulate this stuff sometimes.

100 Books

found via Bedside Manner

You have to bold the ones you've read...

?

Does anyone reading this paint? I am not artistic at all, can't even draw cool stick figures, but for a long time I've considered getting some paints and playing with colors. But I realized that I don't know anything about types of paints, canvases, etc. I do know I'm interested in bold colors, not water colors.

Anyway - if anyone has any advice at all I'd be very appreciative!

Woohoo

Sometimes it actually pays to be a complete insomniac!! I just got to spend over an hour in an IM with my Nerdstar! That was great. She's not sure when they'll have phone access and I'll get to hear her voice, but it was nice to communicate in real time!

She's settling in pretty well in the new camp. She really likes her roommate and the guys she works with, and that has helped her to feel a lot better about things.

It feels like she's been gone forever, but really we're still just getting started in this year long separation. I'm just glad she's not miserable!

Follow The Leader

Following Mr. Jarvis' lead today on businesses and customer service... (There are a lot of good posts, scroll around.) (hmmm... bloggers really know how to scroll around might make a decent t-shirt.)

Last night at 1 a.m. I called Time Warner, and as I mentioned, had Showtime added within five minutes. The people who work in the local office customer service have always been the best customer service reps I've ever had to speak with on the phone.

This morning my electricty went out for about one minute and then came back on. Two hours later, the cable is still not working. I live about a mile and a half down the street from Time Warner's office buildings. I suspect the same power failure affected them and they're dealing with it. Problem is, naturally, their phone lines are constantly busy - I'm sure it doesn't help that today is a holiday and more people are home instead of giving Time Warner a chance to fix it before most people get home from work and even know there was a problem. When I check their local branch website - no current info. They should know better. They should immediately put a blurb up on their website explaining the problem and what they're doing to fix it. At a company like Time Warner, even in their local offices, they should have someone running their website who can do this in a manner of minutes. This would help free up their customer service phone lines tremendously and make their customers a lot happier!

I just hope it's fixed soon, I had several programs I recorded last night while I was out in addition to the sixteen new Showtime channels I need to spend some time with!

The L Word

A new gay and lesbian club in downtown Austin held a big premier party for Showtime's new series The L Word.

I must say, it was a lot better than I thought it would be. Of course, hot girls kissing and having sex is always a major plus in my book for viewing choices!! The lesbian characters weren't as one dimensional as I thought they'd be. Although, looking around the bar at the women watching the show, and looking at the women in the show - can't say those two groups resembled each other very much.

The show isn't overly nice to men, the poor men in the show are either about to have their girl leave them for another girl or are just dispensers of sperm. There was more straight sex than some of the women standing behind me would have liked.

It was hard to hear all of the dialogue in the crowded bar, but I'm definitely going to watch it again!

Update:

Ok, that was just way too easy. I called Time Warner Cable and within five minutes of dialing the phone I had Showtime added to our cable.

I got to see the last 35 minutes of The L Word again, this time with dialogue. It was better than I first thought. I won't do any spoilers. It airs again Tuesday night for those who missed it tonight, you know, all those football fans out there. They played on stereotypes smartly. The diagram was hysterical. The plot lines aren't as predictable as I would have expected. And again, girls kissing - all good!!

And I'll just add, I miss Nerdstar a whole hell of a lot!!

Nerdstar Update

It's raining here too, it's the rainy season in Mosul, I don't know about the rest of Iraq. I don't have a job/job yet, and neither does my "brother", but it really doesn't bother me too much. I go on mail convoys every other day and I guess when things are up and running, they'll make me one of the mail clerks.

My convoy rides have been pretty safe so far, the most "hostile" thing that has ever happened to me so far was this little boy sticking his tongue out at us, we all laughed. Most of the kids and some of the adults in the city just waved at us or gave us thumbs-up signs.

Brown and Root contracts the food and the living facilities here, and the food is a lot better. They live slightly better than we do, and have access to civlilian vehicles, plus they get paid a lot more, and their rules are not as strict, but there's got to be a reason why a lot of them were ex-military... the lower level workers can get jerked around a lot.

I miss you, and it seems like now the realization that there has been no sex (at least for me), and other kinds of intimate contacts are sinking in, for some it's more diffucult than others. :-(

I will write more to you soon, I get to use the net at about, so far, every other day... I will hopefully in time get into a routine about stuff, and use the net more often... now if I can just find the phone so I can call you!

Another Pity Party

Why are the words should and supposed to so damn hard to get out of my head? Who the hell put them there anyway? I started trying to get rid of them about six years ago. No luck so far.

I had a job interview today. I applied last week at a couple of restaurants. The one that called is a really cool, hip tex-mex place close to home. In the year Nerdstar was laid off several times, that's usually the place everyone would gather. They have great margaritas. It's just a hostess job. I found out it pays just over half of what I was making. And trust me, I wasn't making much in my last job. I didn't get the job today. Two other people were further along in the interview process and they had to fill it today. But, the lady liked me and said if anything comes open in the next week or two she'd call.

But I've spent the afternoon feeling bad because I want a job that pays so little. Sure, it would cover my bills, and really that's all I need. The main reason to work while Nerdstar is gone is to have fun and pass the time. And I think working at this place, or one like it, would do that. So why does it matter so much that the pay is so bad? Why do I have to console myself that I'm sure I'd get promoted to waitress or even better in no time? Why is it about money when it doesn't have to be about money at all??

It's been raining for three days. The pets are driving my crazy. We're all going stir crazy. I need to get out of the house and go have some fun - but how can I have fun when no matter what I do it's not fun because Nerdstar isn't here.

I'm getting tired of my own company. How pathetic is that?

How sweet

I've had maybe four packages delivered by UPS since I've been unemployed and received them at home instead of at work. The UPS lady brought a treat for Ramen along with my package from Amazon. How sweet is that? And what good customer service details like that are.

Simple Life

I wrote earlier that life is about relationships, not money. For me, life has always been about relationships. There’s nothing I’d rather spend time doing than talking with people, friends in particular, but strangers will do. I figure if there is an “afterlife” the only thing we have any chance of taking with us are the relationships we’ve made here on earth.

But so often to we sacrifice relationships for money. We don't think that's what we're doing, but that's the bottom line. We spend all of our time and energy working and then put our leftover shelves into family and friends. And we wonder why our relationships are so unsatisfying.

This is part of my internal battle on what to do with my life. How ambitious am I? What do I need in this life to be happy? A house? A car? A motorcycle? A 64 inch plasma tv. 100 dvds? 200 cds? And then what kind of job and salary do I need to pay for these things? It’s not really all that complicated while it’s just Nerdstar and I. We work, we hang out, we take decent vacations. We don’t need much, really. But we talk a lot about bringing kids into the picture.

I know for a lot of people kids really change the picture. Kids mean the right house, in the right school district - which aren’t usually the cheap houses. Which means being locked into both parents working too much. And I don’t want that life. It’s tempting as hell. And watching tv only makes it more tempting. Listening to new parents makes it all more tempting.

We’ve gone back and forth on which one of us will work and which one will stay home with the kids, on who can find the better paying job. And I’m not convinced I want to send my kids to school instead of home schooling them, so I’m not worried about finding the right school district. So why does the simple life seem like a failure?

Yum!

Oh my god. My mouth just had an orgasm! If you love chocolate and haven't had Ghirardelli brownies you should go to the store right now and get some. No really. You should.

Random

It's very weird having nothing to write about. Weird that my brain is slowing down, calming down, and isn't racing thinking about a million things at once.

Well, I am sick to death of hearing about politics and November is a long ways off. The whole process is silly at best. There's nothing real about it. I'm going to have to find a way to tune it all out. Which is weird, because the last three years have taught us how important it is who is president. But they haven't brought honesty to the process. Anyway.

I watched the first episode of The Apprentice. What I find interesting is the differences in the way the men's team does things and the way the women's team does. The women really were much more emotional, but they also got the job done. We'll see if getting the job done changes when it's not a job they can rely on sex appeal. It also just reaffirms that I am not an ambitious person. Life is about relationships, not money.

I recorded the French movie trilogy Blue, White and Red last weekend and have watched Blue and White. It's always nice to watch foreign films. I'm also re-watching Noir. This time I'm watching it dubbed in English instead of in Japanese with English subtitles. They give a lot more info in the dubbed version, and I'm catching more things now that I'm not having to read all the time. Over the weekend I also re-watched the first season of the original BBC version of Coupling with Wendy. That was fun because she hadn't seen them.

So I've been pretty international lately.

Other than that it's dishes and laundry and walking the dog.

Oh, and missing my girl. A lot.

Sigh of Relief

I wasn't expecting to hear from Nerdstar for at least several more days, so getting an email from her this morning really brightens my day. Here are some excerpts about what's she's up to now:

I've just arrived at Mosul yesterday, they put us up in small trailers, I am rooming with a very quiet girl from the psychological operations group, they do the pamphlets and other media stuff to get people to like us.

I don't know where I'll be working at yet, but not too worried right now, I just got here, no need to hurry on anything.

I am just trying to find out where everything is around here, I am sitting in one of Saddam's palace, we are in a complex with high walls and at least 3 palaces, of course, they've converted the biggest palace for operations planning and the rest of the palaces have been bombed out and needs repair, but they are still standing.

Internet here costs $2.00 a hour, not too bad.

I live next to one of the translators, a very nice guy, he treated us to Iraqi styled lunches,tea, even got me a pure wool blanket so I wouldn't get cold... don't worry, I paid him for it, it was only like $10.00. The color was pretty tacky but at least it works like a charm!

Nice Surprise

In this oh so busy life of mine these days, the biggest decision I make most days is where to eat lunch. Today was a Chick Fil A day for no particular reason. They have a playscape for kids and I like watching the kids play while I eat.

That's what I'm doing when I look up and see an old friend of mine I've been dying to get in touch with. I've tried to get her phone number from mutual friends but had no luck. She was a really good friend back in my church going days here in Austin. We lost touch a couple of years ago and I've really missed her. It was nice to sit and talk for a while and get caught up.

Here's to really nice suprises in this crazy life!!

Good Reading

Emmie has two great posts one on fake orgasims and one on a broken penis - and they don't even have anything to do with each other.

Do lesbians fake orgasims?? I can't say I've ever faked it, but I've definetely told Nerdstar to cut out the foreplay and let's get it done so I can sleep. I usually feel a lot like a boy right about then!

For all of you Howard Dean fans - Dean the thumb. I think it's funny.

Troops Moving

Whenever I manage to drag myself out from under my cozy down comforter, I turn the tv to CNBC to get a feel for how the market is doing and if I might be making a few bucks on my stocks, then I switch to Fox News to make sure my life and world aren't in immediate danger.

I caught a decent story about the huge troop movement going on over in Iraq. They're going to bring home close to 100,000 soldiers who have been there way over a year. From what I know, Nerdstar's people are replacing the 101st near Mosul. On the bulletin boards on StrykerNews I've read that some of the advance people are already there. The guy on Fox News was saying that there is going to be some overlap of personnel in locations and that's a good thing so the new guys can talk to the old guys about how it all works in that locations. Makes sense to me. My guess is that Nerdstar is part of the people bringing up the rear and while they have to move to the new location, there still won't be room for them for a while.

I think I feel a little less worried about this move with so many soldiers moving around. It makes my Nerdstar's truck less of an obvious target.

In reading those bulletin boards I've also learned that Nerdstar and I have been damn lucky to be able to email as much as we have. A lot of families haven't heard from their soldier since they left Kuwait several weeks ago.

Word is, there will be a lot more internet and phone access, not to mention hot showers finally, once they get settled into the new camp.

I'm worried, until she's actually in my sight I'll worry, but I'm not panicked.

Damn

Just when I was getting into the grove of not worrying about Nerdstar I get this email from her today:

Well, now they've finally made up their minds and we are actually going to move in the next two days, so that means by tomorrow, we will not have any more net access. We are actually not going to stop by our final destination, but we've got a two week pit stop at this alleged hellhole where we'll have to sleep in our trucks... it'll suck...

I will keep writing in my journal for you, and when I can, send it snail mail. This trip up North will be more dangerous than before, and I've got totally different passengers than last time, I hope all of us will make it safe.

Out of the House

Dear readers, you should all be impressed. I've actually gotten out of the house two nights in a row! Yes, it's cold outside, but I don't think hell has frozen over just yet.

Last night Wendy and I went to hear a local band play. The sound system sucked, but it was still pretty good. I got there early, and partly because of the weather, there weren't too many people at the club yet. I sat and watched the lights and listened to the music the dj was spinning and wished like hell I was high. Oh well.

Tonight the Austin Gay/Lesbian Film Festival folks screened seven short films at a new theater close to my house that shows a lot of independent films. They were mostly really well done.

The interesting part was, just having finished watching season 5 of Buffy, it was fun to watch Clare Kramer who plays Glory in this short film about girl spys and guns. Oddly enough, Melissa Ethridge's new girl is in it, too. (I didn't know that, but Wendy did.)

I also managed to primer most of the new shelves and I was right, the dvd cases won't fit on the second shelf. I'm going to try lowering the shelf with a hammer, but I might have to get out my handy little electric sander and sand it down about 1/8th of an inch. More fun for tomorrow while it rains!

Socializing at Work

Emily has an interesting post about being at work to work and not wanting to socialize with coworkers.

My last job ended up being total hell for me in part because when I started working there I was told - the job is stressful sometimes, but it's a good place to work because everyone is so nice and friendly. Maybe because the office was 95% women, maybe not, but in the end it was hell, I totally distrusted everyone. Those of you who have been reading along know all that.

Now, though, I'm very, very slowly looking into getting a new job. It's still coming down to applying at a couple of my favorite restaurants, and applying with a temp agency. (I hope to have all of that done by the end of the day Friday.) I'm trying to decide how to go into this and be friendly, but not too friendly. Obviously, I'm a very open person, ask me anything and I'll give you an answer. And part of why I'm applying at restaurants is to work with fun people.

So how do I find a balance between being outgoing and being cautious?

Sigh

My only thought about the whole Brittney marriage fiasco was, ummm, and straight people think gay people can fuck up the sacred institution of marriage? We can't do any more harm than immature dumbasses like Ms. Brittney. I didn't care enough to blog about it though.

Today I see a link on Instapundit to Mr. Drezner's site and his take on the topic and a quote where Mr. Sullivan had the same reaction I did. None of that was all that interesting to me, but the comments on this post, and the same old gay marriage pro/con arguments therein just make me sigh.

Help the Marines

What a wonderful idea - go give what you can.

The 1st Marine Division is going back to Iraq. They need medical equipment, school supplies, frisbees and soccer balls for Iraqis.

The redeployment of the 1st Marine Division to Iraq in February and March comes at a critical juncture. The Marines returned from southern Iraq in September. This time they are going to Al Anbar Province and will be responsible for half of the 'Sunni Triangle' including the city of Falluja which is one of the most volatile in Iraq. Relations between the current Coalition forces and the people there are strained. The Marines success in this region will play a crucial role in Iraq's transition to a stable and prosperous society.

A key element of the Marines plan is to build trust by demonstrating there is "no better friend" than a Marine, as the saying goes. Officers feel it is imperative to "show an immediate improvement" over current conditions to the local people. They know much of their success rides on the impressions and relations built in their first 30 days. As one officer says, "it's important to not go in empty handed." As they say, there is only one chance to make a first impression. The items they need - medical goods, school supplies, etc. - will be used immediately to assist the people of Iraq, establish better relationships and help win the "battle for hearts and minds."

Yes, that's the imperialistic US military for you. *snort*

The Letter M

This evening was sponsored by the letter M - for mellow!

About 5 pm when it started getting dark outside, I lit a fire in the fireplace. I sat and just watched it for about an hour. Then, because my neighbor has a couple of *&#$&$(% dogs who bark incessantly when they're outside (which was all damn day today) I finally put on some music. Please, please, please note these are from Nerdstar's cd collection, not mine!!

Shawn Colvin's Cover Girl
Indigo Girls' Swamp Ophelia
Sarah McLaughlin Surfacing

That's about as mellow as I get.

Nerdstar Update

The trouble also is, now when I write letters, I can't even send them because they took the mailbox away, and tore down the mail sorting tent! We don't even know when we are going up to Mosul!

DVD player is in storage until I get to Mosul, where we are more settled, I am using the DVD player from the folks that I work for to watch DVD's.

I am making friends and making conversations, mostly from the supply section people that I have worked with. Random people at the tent that I live in, and there is an Iraqi translator who used to be an admiral in the Iraqi coast guard who has been the nicest person so far, he loaned me his wool blanket before I got the poncho liner because I was feeling cold, too bad that I've got to go back to my company tent to hang out with him because he sleeps in the same tent with my useless leadership. I will try to take some pictures and write more in a letter or two.

I haven't done much in the last few days, today the PX truck came from another camp, and after hours of waiting, I finally got into that little PX trailer, I had only 3 minutes to shop. I got 3 tins of Vienna sausage, and two tins of Chef Boyardee spaghetti.

Sob

I had forgotten just how devastatingly sad the second half of season 5 of Buffy is. And knowing what comes next in seasons 6 and 7 doesn't help either! Joss and his writers are pure evil! That's all I'm sayin.

Updates

I haven't posted much about Nerdstar because there hasn't been much to tell. They still haven't started the move to the new camp. She has sporadic internet access and I'm always thrilled to get emails from her. She's still working overnight doing supply.

For a different look at things in Iraq, Deeds is a blog by one of the many CPA workers trying to figure out the actual rebuilding of Iraq. If you want an inside look at what "we're" doing to make things better over there, go read now.

About 1,500 people work in the palace. That may seem like a large group, but it is pitifully small given the task of repairing the entire country after so much neglect, building the infrastructure, and creating policy and procedure, all while trying to stay safe.

Too Many

Sites I enjoy that you might or might not find surprising:

Fleshbot - I'm just starting to check this one out and some of the interesting links.

Girl Fag - very brave writing.

Dirty Whore Diary - she simply fascinates me.

There are so many ways to live life. It sometimes makes me wish for reincarnation. If I can't live these lives myself, reading about them will have to do.

I'm also finding that this involuntary celebacy is drawing me back into reading more erotica.

Random

I have rediscovered what every teenager instinctively knows - the theraputic value of very loud rock music. Audioslave to be specific. The pets aren't sure what to make of it. I'm sure my neighbor is overjoyed. He apparently travels for work and I never know if he's in town or not. So, hopefully he's not around when I'm being loud. So far it's been early evening loud hours, not middle of the night loud hours. Even if he is annoyed, it's all his fault I had to have the carpet replaced, which means I would have very little sympathy.

I'm sad. My motorcycle won't start, I think it might be the starter. It's been a good few days for riding. I'm in shorts and a t-shirt. I'll probably wait until March or so to get it fixed. The problem then will be I'll be tempted to just get a new one instead!

I have definitely decided that if I'm ever in solitary confinement, and there's absolutely no other way to kill myself, I'll simply chew thru my wrists. I can not imagine being in a small space with nothing to distract me from my self and not going completely insane. I'm having a hard enough time not feeling crazy in the middle of the night.

I was nice and took Ramen to the park today. Unfortunately, he got all wet and now smells like a wet dog. I'll have to get him bathed very soon. There were two dogs close to his size playing. One had the other on it's back, using him as a chew toy. Ramen decided to play guardian of the submissive dog and kept barking at the other one and trying to make it play nice. Weird.

Nerdstar was very, very sweet and bought me the Noir Soundtrack Vol 2 as part of my Christmas. I got it the other day. I love it. It's some very beautiful music. That made me go and find Vol. 1 for sale online. Now I can't wait for it to get here. It's also made me want to watch the series again. First I have to finish Buffy!

I need to mop the kitchen floor, but I just don't want to.

Long Road

A whole new year stretches out like an endless Texas highway. Nerdstar's return home looming somewhere on the distant horizon. Other than that I have no idea what the road ahead holds.

I think it would help tremendously if I knew an exact date she’d be home. I could mark off the days on a calendar with authority. I hate uncertainty, indefinite waiting. But that’s just not possible. There are too many unknows when it comes to army life and what the hell they will decide. They could extend her current orders for a full year in Iraq putting her stateside mid November, send her home in May when her current orders end, or anything in between. You factor in things like the upcoming election politics, if Iraq can govern itself any time soon, whether or not there are more major terrorist attacks, you know, minor stuff like that, and it makes it all that much more unpredictable.

Yet, I have to agree with Dawn, it does seem to help just a little that we're at least in the year she'll be home. That slight curve in the road has been rounded.

Ouch

I've always been a mental masochist (that was second choice for the name of this blog), but apparently, in the last two days I've crossed over into being a physical one as well. I should not be sweating this much in January. Oh wait, it was 73 with 87% humidity today. UGH! I have sore butt muscles - wtf?

What's causing all this you ask. Why, my driving desire for new shelves, for a project to take up some time. What I can't figure out is why I felt the need to build them instead of just buying some. Then again, most of the ones you buy have to be assembled, too. But I'm sure at least I wouldn't have 100 very crooked nails all over the place. Nine shelves, two nails each side, eighteen total nails need. Thank god they came in a package of 150!

I started the shelves yesterday. Me, eleven pieces of wood, two of which are taller than me, a package of nails and a hammer. I keep it simple, no fancy woodwork, just line up the boards, make sure they're level, and hammer in the nails. Level was the tricky part. I had something resembling shelves when I went to bed last night, pretty much knowing I'd have to disassemble the whole mess and start over. I added a ruler to the mix and things worked much better. They're not even wobbly anymore!

I still haven't decided on a paint color. I'm not sure I am brave enough to do red. Maybe a nice silvery grey. I've mostly tried to stick with the colors in the painting over the fireplace. I'm also afraid to paint them. The top two shelves are for dvds. Right now, they fit in there very, very snuggly. I'm afraid they won't fit after the paint dries! And I'm still tempted to put a back on them instead of just leaving them open.

Shelves

Update

Nerdstar is having trouble with her Netzero account so please change her email address to: cinchsack@yahoo.com

I have a hot date for the next day or two. Yes, I couldn't resist any longer. I now have the Buffy season 5 dvds.

First

Last night was uneventful. I decided to stay home and be safe and alone instead of out with drunk drivers and alone. I watched Princess Mononoke and wasn't terribly impressed. Maybe I'll like it better in Japanese instead of dubbed. I also started on the new set of shelves. That was a disaster. This morning I had to unassemble them and start over. Nails are trickier than they should be!!

I had a breakdown about 1 am. So many fears and doubts, so much loneliness, and the overwhelming amount of time between now and November - the likeliest return date for Nerdstar.

Today is more calm. A day of cleaning and hoping. I finally got an email from Nerdstar this morning. Her unit is going to be moving to Mosul, but they haven't moved the current troops out of there yet so hers can move in. You know, small details the Army isn't always good at.