Beth's Contradictory Brain

How hard it must be

I was thinking last night that what must be so hard for soldiers in Iraq, or any war zone, is that you're never safe. Even though Nerdstar rarely leaves the base, that is no guarantee of safety. I was thinking how much it must suck to know that you could be killed anywhere, anytime. The gym where she works out, the chow hall where she eats, the line where her laundry was drying, were all mortared at some point in the past few months. Even just walking from one place to another a mortar can land within feet if not on you.

Then my thoughts shifted to David and other Israelies and remembering that they, too live that reality every day. I've thought about this ever since 9/11. Mostly in hopes that not only will America never have to deal with suicide bombers on a regular basis, but that eventually Israel won't either.

So I'm sad today to read and hear the news of the two buses being bombed this morning.

Go read David's account of the events of this morning.

More Questions

Sorry for the light blogging these days. I've spent two weeks with my butt planted on my sofa for the most part. I haven't had a conversation with anyone other than the pets or waitstaff other than a phone call from my Mom and a couple of phone calls from Nerdstar in two weeks. I battled thru all the fears and worries and am actually starting to feel better with the end feeling more in sight. Tomorrow I'll write more about getting ready for Nerdstar's homecoming.

For today a couple of questions again.

Of course, after watching most of the Democratic National Convention, I'm spending too much time watching the Republican National Convention on C-Span. It was actually entertaining last night. The mood seemed lighter and more optimistic than the DNC. They had a medly of showtunes and then had a faux Saturday Night Live intro to the evening. I thought it was funny. Of course, Rudy's speech rocked.

I didn't get the impression many of my readers watched the DNC and assume they're not going to watch the RNC this week either. So...

Are you watching the convention?

Are you registered and definitely going to vote Nov. 2?

Could anything change your mind about who you're going to vote for?

Contrasts

This is going to be another post where I wish I were much more eloquent, or at least a better writer.

I spent maybe an hour this afternoon watching the protesters in Manhatten parade by on C-Span. It was great people watching, doing it from my comfy sofa without having to be there all hot and sweating walking around.

I'm not going to write about what I think of the protesters, their messages or their methods. I'm trying that concept of if you don't have anything nice to say... Free speech is an amazing thing though.

Then tonight I watched the closing ceremonies of the Olympics. (I have a feeling I'll be in deep withdrawal without any games to watch tomorrow.) Call me a sap, but it really does move me to watch all those athletes from all those countries walking around the Olympic stadium taking pictures, getting autographs, mingling in peace. Say what you will, but it really is a powerful statement every two years now that 10,000 althetes from all over the world compete in peace.

There's a real contrast in those two events.

Heh

I've had the men's indoor volleyball games on kinda in the background while doing other things. So it totally cracks me up everytime I see this guy's name on the back of his jersey:

SUXHO

Damn

Speculation can lead to looking totally foolish, but what the hell.

Apparently the soldier who writes (wrote) My War - Fear and Loathing in Iraq has lost whatever battles he was having to keep his site up and running. The title now reads "Over and Out" and his last post is simply:
"Ever Get the Feeling You've Been Cheated?"
-last words Johnny Rotten spit onstage at the Sex Pistols last gig in 1978.

No archives, no open comments. The guy's an amazing writer and had mentioned offers for book deals and such. I'd love to be in a bookstore one day and see the title of his blog as the title of a book. He wrote the most honest account of his time over there that I've read anywhere in the blog world. Even though with any luck he'll be coming home in the next couple of months, it's a shame he's not going to continue his blog for the time being.

Skipping Record

My brain is often like a skipping record, stuck, repeating the same thing over and over. Unfortunately, it doesn't normally get stuck on good thoughts and I need someone to tap the needle and get it moving again.

Getting to IM with Nerdstar and then getting a package from her yesterday tapped the needle. Even better, she sent one of our digital cameras she'd had problems with back and another disposable camera.

So you guessed it - new pics up at Nerdstar's fotopage. A few weeks ago she got to go out in the city of Mosul with the new Pysch. Ops unit and really enjoyed it.

Looking at these pictures, I think if I were her I'd never want to see any shade of tan ever again!

Bleh

It's cool when one little picture can sum up my state of mind.

Lame explained

The other day I wrote that the National Anthem being played for our athletes on the medal stand is totally lame. This article gives the lame reason why.

Earning It

Once again Nerdstar earns the Nerd part of it.

cinchsack: okay, i have to confess
bethlyn327: ok
cinchsack: do you really want to know this?
bethlyn327: might as well
cinchsack: you are going to roll your eyes
bethlyn327: probably
cinchsack: ok...
cinchsack: i purchased "The Best of Christopher Cross" on Amazon
bethlyn327: omg
cinchsack: "sailing, takes me away from where I always heard it could be...."
bethlyn327: i should disown you for that
bethlyn327: omg
bethlyn327: that's horrible
bethlyn327: i'm going to put it on the blog
bethlyn327: just what a nerd you are
cinchsack: "if you get caught between the moon and new york city...I know it's crazy, but it's true"...
cinchsack: yes, and the best of joan jett and the blackhearts
bethlyn327: at least she's gay
cinchsack: hahahaha
cinchsack: supporting the cause
bethlyn327: that's right
cinchsack: she's not like ellen gay
cinchsack: not funny gay
cinchsack: ellen's not that funny either
cinchsack: i think i could be funnier
cinchsack: but i have stage fright

Olympic Blogger

Scott Goldblatt, on the American swim team, has a blog. Found via Jeff Jarvis who also says not to tell anyone because the IOC forbids it. Scott himself talks about the IOC banning athletes and coaches and such from blogging about Olympic events - scroll down and read it.

Wow

The Iraqi soccer team beat Australia 1-0 to move on to the semifinals. Way cool!

Great Review

Sarah writes an excellent post on Dark Star Safari that I read and wrote about several weeks ago. Go read it.

Wheee

Wind blown tree branches are roller coasters for squirrels.

My response

It’s not an obvious result of 9/11, but it’s certainly an indirect result of that day, Nerdstar being sent to Iraq for a year has been the biggest impact on our lives. And the effects of that won’t be known for some time yet. Maybe on the 4th anniversary of 9/11 I’ll be able to write about it all more clearly.

For me, the most obvious lasting change from 9/11 has been the continued rawness of my emotions. The tears that are always ready to fall at the slightest provocation are something I’ve had to adjust to and not be embarrassed by. And there are still times I’ll look up at a plane flying overhead and pictures of it exploding in mid air come without warning.

As for my worldview, I guess I’d have to say I continue to fluctuate between hopefully optimistic and terribly frightened. I believe the changes in Iraq and Afghanistan are solid and real and good. And I believe those changes can lead to even better changes in the Middle East and beyond. But I’m also aware of how simple it is for a small group of determined evil people to cause mass death and destruction. While I may be naïve, I’m not naïve enough to think stopping those groups of people will be easy nor 100% effective.

I wouldn’t say 9/11 has changed the way I live my day to day life. Hopefully Nerdstar’s year long deployment and our resulting separation will facilitate change for the better in our future. I’ve always been someone who was aware of just how big this world we live in is and yet how connected it all is as well, and also just how short life can be.

Last year I bought dvds of two documentaries about 9/11 because I just didn’t feel any media really covered the anniversary adequately. I plan to watch them on 9/11. Yes, it’ll be painful. And as cliché as it is, I really do believe it’s important to remember that day and the weeks that followed. I think as a nation we’ve developed a collective amnesia.

I wish the unity of the rest of that September had remained. I would never have imagined the current political climate then.

Good Thing

I'm so glad to see Michele is going to continue her Voices project and expand it as we come up to the third anniversary of 9/11.

There will be a shift in the focus of the project this year. This will be the third year of Voices and I'd like to try something different. I’m going to pose a few questions and perhaps you can use them as a starting to point to write something, if you are inclined to participate this year.

It’s been nearly three years since 9/11. Where you do stand right now as far as emotional recovery goes? Have you moved on? Healed? How does your emotional view of 9/11 differ now from it did three years ago? Do you find yourself more hopeful than you were then? Has your world view or your ideals changed drastically because of the events of that day or do you think you’re still the same? What lessons have you, personally, learned from 9/11 or the days after? Has the way you live to day to day change, or has it affected the way you deal with your family and/or community? If you could say something to the victims of 9/11 on this third anniversary of their death, what would you say?

My goal is to have everything finished by the second week in September (around the 8th) so I can just do some tweaking to the site and have it ready to go on the 11th. With that in mind, I would ask that your submissions be mailed to me no later than September 6th.

Go read the whole post and then add your voice!

Interracial Musings

This post is a bunch of thoughts that aren't necessarily well formed, but oh well.

One aspect of my life, and my relationship with Nerdstar, that I haven't written much, if anything really, about is being in an interracial relationship. It's just not something I spend a lot of time thinking about, although it is something I am aware of.

Growing up I dated all kinds of guys. From the valedictorian, the band president, the boy next door, too many blue collar guys, drug dealers, bad boys, church boys. The guy my parents wanted me to marry but really just should have adopted was Hispanic. My freshman year in high school I started it off by "going with" a black guy. You could say looks weren't important to me, or you could say I just wasn't picky. Both would be accurate. Maybe that, along with so many other things, was why I wasn't too surprised when I found myself attracted to another girl just before my senior year.

Anyway. I guess that's just to say I've never limited myself in my dating life based on looks or ethnicity. Because of my close relationship with Joe, the Hispanic guy, and then my brief relationship with a black guy early in my dating life, I knew the inherent problems of interracial relationships, but that's where being naive was really helpful. None of it sank in.

My relationship with Nerdstar is the longest and most serious I've ever been in. I couldn't have known less about Chinese, Taiwanese, or Asian cultures before we met. (She's Chinese, grew up in Taiwan until she was ten and then grew up in Jersey.) It's been fascinating learning about her life, and really, even more so about her grandparents' lives. I have written about how difficult things got and probably will be in the future for her and her family regarding her relationship with me. For this post that is neither here nor there.

What brings all this up, of course, is watching the Olympics. I pay a lot more attention to the teams from China and other Asian countries. The other day the US women's indoor volleyball team was playing China and it was weird (yet way cool) to see a woman on the Chinese team who looks a little like my Nerdstar. It made me totally aware of how few Asian faces there ever are on my tv or movie screen. Being with Nerdstar has literally broadened by perspectives, and it's pretty cool.

Maybe it would seem like a bigger deal if we lived somewhere other than Austin. But it's a very live and let live kind of city where I don't think we ever even get a second glance. I know on our first road trip when we were driving thru the South I told her we should be careful, we'd definitely stand out there. But even that was thankfully uneventful.

We always joke that Nerdstar is a bad Asian because she's bad at math and not driven to rule the world. Although, she tells me on a regular basis that the Chinese will take over the world just by population and immigration soon.

When we have kids, hopefully soon, all of this will become even more interesting. But as this post is long enough, I'll write about that another time.

Nerdstar Update

Yes, there was a significant change in the countdown days until Nerdstar comes home. It's still a very approximate number, but at least it's getting smaller!

A few weeks ago Nerdstar told me they were talking about a mid September date for her little unit to leave Iraq. The biggest questions regard their replacements, I don't think the answers to those questions are totally answered yet, so you never know how the picture will change.

Mostly I've been too afraid to even say "September" out loud for fear of jinxing it. Then I got this message from her this morning:

(Yep, I finally had to edit the official word out... I figured I would. No big deal. You get the jist of what it said.)

So, yes, it's looking good. Keep your fingers crossed and prayers said!

My worry levels, however, will remain rather elevated until she's actually in my line of sight. As I've written about before, there are just too many instances of bad things happening to soldiers in the weeks before their homecoming. Her little base is still getting a few mortar attacks most days.

Bleh

It's 12:20 a.m. The alarm is going to go off at 6:50 a.m. In spite of a little rum and coke a couple of hours ago, I was completely unable to fall asleep. I think I'm going to have a meltdown in this countdown to Nerdstar coming home. I need to be distracted, but nothing is distracting. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. So many fears, hopes, anxieties, worries, plans, regrets.

I know this will end eventually. There's just no comfort in that yet.

Too Lame

I'm sure there are tons of things to be snarky about regarding the Olympics. But, here's mine.

That has to be THE LAMEST version of our National Anthem I've ever heard!

More Olympics

I love watching the "lesser" sports, the women's weight lifting, the table tennis, water polo, fencing. Events like that. I love watching people from all over the world participate in them. I love seeing the different body types for different sports.

I wish they'd interview every last place finisher just like they do the first place ones. Not out of sympathy or to be cruel, but because I bet those are the most interesting stories at the games.

I also spend a fair amount of time wondering if althetes are better at sex. Don't you?

How Cool!

Iraq beats Costa Rica 2-0 in men's soccer.

I never imagined I'd be cheering for Iraq in my lifetime. But I can't even imagine how good it feels to play as a free man and not under the threats of an evil psychopath.

Strengthen The Good

Strengthen the Good

Read Michele's post about it today, then read the site and do what you can to help.

Watching the Olympics

I'm so glad NBC is showing Olympic coverage on all of their cable channels. There are also substantially less commercials on the cable broadcasts. Not that they could possibly have more commercials on NBC.

I've watched women's indoor and outdoor volleyball, women's syncronized diving, women's table tennis, women's softball, women's soccer, men and women's swimming, men's gymnastics and other random events.

You'd be tempted to think I'm watching all the women's events to check out all the hot athletes, but you'd be wrong. Flat chested women just don't do it for me anymore. I've been too spoiled by Nerdstar's wonderful boobies. hehehehe

The Iraqi soccer team plays today, how cool is that?

So yeah, I'll pretty much be totally sucked into watching these games until they're over.

Soon, but not soon enough!

I will be having enough sex to try to make up for the missed year.

I won't have to sleep in an empty bed, I'll have my Snuggle Bunny with me.

I won't have to eat alone, shop alone, bum around town alone.

The constant worry will go away.

I won't have to pet or walk Ramen.

I won't have to open the door for the cats and dog to come in and out.

I'll have help cleaning the house and doing the laundry.

I'll have my favorite bedtime conversationalist back.

Changing jobs again

Well, this temp job was nice. But... I've decided to substitute teach starting (hopefully) next week. I know, most of you are probably saying to yourselves, Is she crazy, giving up a cushy little office job to sub? Well, yeah.

I'm just not up to an office job just yet. Actually, if I have any say in it, I wouldn't have one ever again. But I usually doubt I'll have much say in it. At least for now I don't have to have one, so I don't.

There's some small part of me that still thinks I'd make a great teacher and just can't give up yet. Austin's just too hard a city to get a real teaching job in. Austin's famous for having more people with masters degrees waiting tables than any other city. And while I'm sure that's not exactly true, there are a lot of people who love living here and are willing to be substantially underpaid to do so.

Anyway. Who knows what next year will bring. Maybe we'll end up moving to a city that desperately needs teachers.

Even if we end up in Austin, and I don't end up with some principal dying to have me teach at their school, getting another $10/$12 an hour office job that requires less than half my brain and more than all of my patience is just not something I want to do. I'd love more than anything to have a couple of kids and stay home and take care of them and the house and everything. I know that in itself is a hard job, but I not only think I'd be really good at it, I think it'd be fun and fulfilling.

Baring that, I have ill formed plans in the back of my mind to go to a head hunter and get serious about really pinning down what my skills are and finding a job that suits me. I don't know what that's so hard for me, but it is. Having more brains than ambition just isn't good. Of course, I'm sure it would suck just as much having more ambition than brains.

I bet it does

Ever since Nerdstar and I heard a story during the last Olympics about how many condoms are handed out in the Olympic Village, we giggle when we hear the Olympic catch phrase "The World Comes Together."

Interview

The Stryker soldier I linked the other day who wrote about the firefight he was in has become my favorite read since then. Today I read this interview he did with an Iraqi who lives in Mosul. It's one of those must reads.

Yikes!

These next few days may be a bit tense, 4 mortar attack on this FOB, and one of them hit where I was drying my clothes, so I lost all these pt shirts and undies, most of them got shrapnelled beyond recognition, but they're just army issued clothes that I don't have to return, I've got plenty more, but the undies? Well, I am doing more undies shopping when I get back anyways! I am going to mail one of these shirts back home, I think my clothes should get a
purple heart! So needless to say, I got lucky again.

on autopilot in Iraq

Hello everyone! It's nerdstar again, almost at the end of "the mission" and cannot wait to come back home! I've been away since last May and even though time has a way of passing by rather fast, still each day just have this tendency to stretch.
All of us are on some sort of autopilot mode now, now that our jobs have been more defined, you are either pulling tower guard duty until the end of time, or you have one of those jobs where you sit in a hardtop building, somehow trying to make everything run smoothly. We've had our mortar attacks here and there, but it's really a kind of surreal when you are not "out there" seeing how things really are. Most of us have jobs that keep us on post and we cannot travel much to anywhere else, unless you get sick, needing to goto the field hospital, or getting supplies from another post.
I don't know if all deployments of war could be defined as the one that we have right now. Where the enemies could shoot at you but you cannot shoot back, where the biggest concern of the moment is the cat population on post, and the biggest gossip of the day is who is doing who. We've got combat stress specialists here, but if you are not infantry or on patrols, and did not see a lot of carnage, then I guess the "stress" just comes from being stuck here, doing the same thing from day in and day out, eating the same food, and watching people make big issues out of small things just because they can.
I try to cope with this repetitiveness by simply making fun of everything, even if it doesn't seem funny to other people, thinking about the trip back home, Vegas, Captain and Tenille, my pets, home and everyone in it, and taking lots of photos, some terrible, but some fun (not a professional photographer here!)
Sometimes, I'd think that I was a minor character in "Lord of the Flies", and other times, I felt like I was back in high school, with all the dramas between people (I have to say that I was a part of that too at one time.), except you have to live with the people in that high school.
I miss being a hermit, that sort of was the kind of life that we've lead in Austin, just us and the pets. I also found out that, I am not as introverted as I thought that I once was, I actually like going out of the FOB on patrols, bumming for a seat on other peoples' missions, and just seeing what's out there.
Well, I've got to close this entry for now, there's now a line of people waiting to use the computers, but I will write more to y'all soon about life here. Take good care and dodge that mortar!

Amen

I couldn't agree more with this post by Michele on kids and sex.

I suppose you see things like this differently when you actually have a teenage daughter. Back before I had kids, I was one of those naive people who would say things like "I'm going to let my kids make their own decisions when it comes to sex. Yea, I'm going to be a cool parent."

And then I had a kid and that idea went to hell. To make matters worse, I had a daughter. Suddenly, the idea of being casual about my kids having sex seemed ludicrous.

That's just the beginning, go read the whole thing.

Nerdstar and I are already worried about our kids - and we don't have them yet. We also worry about little Zach. I told a friend one time that I'd rather my kids did drugs as teenagers than had sex. She was surprised. People just don't ever seem to acknowledge how damaging sex as a teenager can be - emotionally especially.

One thing totally in favor of Nerdstar and I in dealing with our kids is that she was a virgin until she was 27, and didn't date anyone until she met me at age 28. (I'll let her explain.) Our kids are going to hate being held to that!! (We'll just skip over my rather promiscuous teenage years!)

Hmmm

Nerdstar sent me this link and asked what I thought. A soldier home from Iraq is starting a group (or whatever) to try to get more public awareness about what's going wrong, and a little bit of what's going right, over in Iraq from a soldier's point of view. I'm going to try to get Nerdstar to write more about it, as she knows more than me!

I know there are many problems with the military over in Iraq, from lack of basic supplies sometimes, to stupid shit like Sean writes about with the computer lab over there, to stupid ass commanders. That's the kind of thing I hope Nerdstar writes more about eventually.

But for a soldier to question the bigger picture isn't something I'm as comfortable with. They, just like the rest of us, just don't have enough information to be able to do that.

Stephen writes today "No peace plan survives the last battle" is the VodkaPundit corollary to Clausewitz's dictum that no battle plan survives first contact with the enemy. In a very long post about The Game Plan.

It's definitely complicated. I'll never understand the inefficiencies of the military. There's just no excuse for it.

Go read it all and let me know your thoughts.

Bleh

Today is one of those sad, frustrating days. While the beginning of August brought a new sense of anticipation, that if Nerdstar isn't home next month, then surely it'll be the month after that. And it seemed close. But today it's sinking in that the soonest she could be home just isn't soon enough. And the anger that's just under the surface rises about how long she's already been gone and how much it just seems wasted time. And all the fears and all the worries about the future push out all the hope.

For whatever reason, Nerdstar wasn't able to be online for our afternoon chat today. Tomorrow I start a new temp job, so we won't be able to chat until Saturday. And when days feel like weeks, that's a long ways off. Hopefully they'll get the phone lines on her base working again and she can at least call this week.

Can I just sleep until she's home? Because, really, that would be better.

The Ipod

When Nerdstar was home on leave back in early March, part of her shopping spree included a cute little mini ipod. They come in very handy over in Iraq. I thought about getting one for me too, but just couldn't justify the price.

Several weeks ago her poor little ipod got sick over in Iraq, so she sent it back to me. I sent it back to Apple and they kindly sent a replacement.

I probably should have been very nice and sent it back to Nerdstar, but, I didn't. When she comes home she's coming back thru Ft. Lewis for at least a week, so I'm going to drive up there and meet her and hang out while she outprocesses and then we're road trippin' our way back to Austin.

Therefore, I kept the ipod and have loaded it up with all my favorites to get me thru the three or four day drive to Ft. Lewis. I told Nerdstar it'll be great having all that driving time together to share all my music with her :-)

Below is a list of the cds on the ipod:

AC/DC - Back in Black
Ani Difranco - various from - Living In Clip, Little Plastic Castle, Not A Pretty Girl, Out of Range, and Up
Annie Lennox - Medusa (a gift from Nerdstar)
Bob Schneider - Lonelyland
Chase - Chase
Deee Lite - The Very Best of
Foreigner - Best of (another gift from Nerdstar)
Ginger and Sarah - Do What You Will and Vera Takes the Cake
Ginger Leigh - Charge Laughing
James Taylor - Best of
Janet Jackson - Design of a Decade
Joe Satriani - Flying in a Blue Dream, The Extremist
Julie Roberts - Julie Roberts
Matchbox 20 - Yourself or Someone Like You
DJ Micro - Music Thru Me
Morcheeba - Fragments of Freedom
Olive - Extra Virgin
Poe - Hello
Rush - Exit Stage Left
Sister 7 - This The Trip
Third Eye Blind - Third Eye Blind
Ugly Americans - Boom Boom Baby, Superstereophonic Spanish Fly
And of course, the mix cd Nerdstar sent me!

Feel free to recommend, or even burn and send me, cds you think would add nicely to my driving tunes :-)

Upgraded

Woohoo!! Mup was amazing and nice and upgraded my MT for me and installed Blacklist. What a wonderful thing!! I'm so happy!

Upgrade Help

I've read the directions on how to upgrade my MT and it's just not something I feel I know enough to do. At this point I'm willing to pay someone to do it for me. Anyone?

From the Front

Two more fantastic posts from the front lines in Iraq. A follow up on the attacks in Mosul by Fear and Loathing in Iraq, and The Questing Cat writes about a friend of his being injured.

I admire and appreciate the honesty of these two men. I can hear in their writings sentiments I know my Nerdstar shares, and would share even more if she had to face what they do over there. No soldier over there is safe, mortars are lobbed onto all the bases on a regular basis and are random as hell. But I am thankful every day she doesn't go out on patrol like these men do.

Wow

Here's a first hand account of the fighting that was going on in Mosul the other day. I can't even imagine being in that kind of situation.

Found over on Sarah's site, one of her good friends was injured over there in that firefight. It is some pretty serious injuries, but she thinks he'll be ok.

More Optimistic Than Me

Ace writes: But at the same time, that vote means 30% of the people voted NO to the constitutional amendment. Well gays certainly aren't 30% of the population, maybe 5%. Since it was a sensitive and personal issue, they may have come out to vote in higher numbers, so let's just estimate maybe 10% of the voters were gay. That means 20% of the people who didn't have dogs in the fight thought that the amendment was unnecesary. While it's no victory, I don't consider it a total loss. 10 years ago, the score would never have been 70/30.

That's a valid point. I do wonder what percentage of the actual voters were gay. I know the opposition to gay marriage is mobilized, funded, and determined. I wonder if the gay community in Missouri was any match.

But that's also my point on the whole issue - gays are a true minority, so the argument that all of this should be decided by voters doesn't really make sense to me. And it certainly doesn't hold up to the progress we've made in this country regarding minorities, you know, like letting women vote.

On the other hand

A judge in Washington oks gay marriage.

My understanding from reading some of the conservatives opposed to gay marriage is that they're pissed because they say it's being imposed on states by judges. And while that's probably a fair assessment, I don't see what recourse gays have other than the courts. Is there something I'm missing? Is there some other way a minority group who is being marginalized is supposed to go about rectifying that?

Frustrating Blow

Mediocre Law Student and I have been discussing the future of gay marriage, Bush and Kerry, and politics in the comments of a couple of posts on both our blogs. I've been saying that I'm not worried that the FMA will ever pass - all the requirements necessary to change the constitute are just too much for a measure that is opposed for many different legitimate reasons and doesn't hold broad support. So I've felt that the issue of gay marriage will be decided state by state.

Today my optimism got a frustrating blow.

Missouri voters overwhelmingly approved a constitutional amendment Tuesday to ban gay marriage, the first such vote since the historic ruling in Massachusetts last year that legalized same-sex weddings there. The amendment had garnered 70 percent of the vote with 91 percent of precincts reporting.

Four states already have similar amendments.

One of the things I fear happening in this state by state battle is an even greater polarization between states. I'm not sure I know how to explain that.

I've also been saying that this issue isn't an urgent one to me. And maybe that's because I'm naive. I know the people pushing for the FMA and these changes to state constitutions are very well organized and extremely motivated. Maybe I'm underestimating that, because I know they are in the minority.

I've also written that Texas isn't a gay friendly state, which I sometimes lose sight of because Austin is so gay friendly. And I'd be pissed to have to move to a different state just to protect my relationship with Nerdstar and our kids when both of our extended families live here in Texas. How stupid is it that so many families would have to relocate just to protect that family?

I'd have to say the most frustrating thing is that because gays and lesbians really are a true minority, our lives are being severely impacted by the majority - straight people - making decisions about us. And yet, I also know most straight people are honestly just uninterested in the issue, not realizing what is really going on. Maybe that's where the gay community is failing. Maybe we should be running a very positive ad campaign against the FMA and all related things. Maybe we can't leave it up to the goodwill of straight people.

And while I still feel I have to support Bush over Kerry - I'll be voting on the gay marriage issue in state and local races, which for now is where it really matters.

Nerdstar Update

I got this email from her this morning. Mostly I'm glad to see her sense of humor is still intact! (Well, of course I'm glad her body is still intact!)

We've been mortared left and right ever since mid-evening yesterday! I haven't heard of any deaths yet but there were some brown and root people who got injured. Report from the other FOB said that there were insurgents who were dressed up like ninjas shooting ak-47's, grenades and rockets at that FOB! I never thought that we'd be attacked by ninjas! Didn't even know they had ninjas in Iraq! We should have samurai warriors here instead of us!

There's this private whom, because he was kept out of his room due to lock problems, went off at the sgt. in charge of the mayor cell (like the facility managers of the FOB, who are nothing but a bunch of lazy asses anyways), that private got ordered to go to anger management classes and they are going to chapter him out of the army... he must have really went off at that sgt.

Looks like this is the same story in the news.

Outta Town

The boss man at the temp job ended up being just a little too creepy, so I decided not to go back. I felt a little bad not sticking it out longer. In the future I might have to work I job I don't want to, right now I'm still fortunate I don't have to.

That said, I did get a different temp assignment starting Monday, so that's cool.

In the meantime I had decided it was time to go see Zachary. So I'm up at my parents' house near Dallas for a couple of days.

If blogging is a little light it's because I've got a very cute little 3 year old bossing me around.

More Pics

Nerdstar pics.

The fun of political internships

I love this essay over on Tony's site:

How I Spent (the first half of) My Summer Vacation
by Kristin from Madpony

The purpose of an intern, it seems, is to do all of the work that is too menial for the actual staff to do, and all of the work that is too unpleasant for a true volunteer to do. Thus, I discovered the three tasks which would be central to my internship experience: driving places, making copies, and driving copies of things places.

Go read the whole thing.

Awww

I am cracking up. Yep, my Nerdstar can crack me up from about 8000 miles away. Not one to be known for her romantic capabilities, she has totally outdone herself and sent me a cd she burned of songs just for me. Tears and laughter I tell ya. Who even knew some chick named Brigette Romanek covered Love Will Keep Us Together??

I love you, Baby.

Channeling Nerdstar

Saw The Manchurian Candidate this afternoon. Mostly, I was bored. The only real evil in the movie was neither the government nor big coorporations, it was an overly (apparently way overly) loving mother with just a tad too much ambition for her son. Maybe if I hadn't seen the original and didn't know too much of the plot it would have held my attention better, but I doubt it.

Feeling like my entertainment need just hadn't been met, I wandered into see Harold and Kumar. I actually enjoyed it.

All I can figure is that I'm channeling Nerdstar today because I miss her so much. There's just no other explanation for me liking a rather silly movie over a serious political drama.

We'll rent it when you come home, baby!

August 1

Yeah, it's the start of another new month, which means one is finished and I'm that much closer to having my Nerdstar home. We still don't know exactly when she'll be coming home. We have our fingers crossed and prayers said for sooner rather than later.

I keep trying to get her to write an update for here, but they keep having troubles with the servers over there. She got to go out on a patrol in one of the Mosul neighborhoods with the new psych. ops. unit stationed there. Mostly they were surrounded by all the kids. She said she took a lot of pictures, so eventually she'll mail them back here and I'll get them developed and on the fotopage. She's doing well for the most part. Fortunately things have been mostly quiet over there for her, although I always hate writing that for fear of jinxing it.

I've rounded the corner where I'm anticipating her being home more than I worry - so that's good but scary. Once we actually know a more definite timeframe, I'll bore you all to tears every day with all the minute details of getting ready for her to come home.