Beth's Contradictory Brain

Well That Sucked

Thankfully I wasn't full of anticipation for the Hitchhiker's Guide movie, or I'd be in tears.

I didn't know Disney was in anyway related to this project, or my expectations would have been even lower. I knew within the first minute that the movie wasn't going to do justice to the book. What a damn shame. We finally have the technology to really make this incredible book come to life, and it's totally squandered.

I won't get into spoilers, not that there really are any.

I'll just say it's extremely disappointing that the movie was obviously simply based on the book. What's the point of making this particular book into a movie if you're not going to use any of Adams' witty, intelligent, magnificent writing?? Ugh. Shouldn't that have been what the narrator was for?

The only good that can come from this is if the book finds a whole new set of readers!

Gay TV

Ace posted an email from Matt of Q Television Network and her thoughts on the gay networks.

I watch just about any gay movies or tv shows that I run across, although I've never attended many of the films at the Austin Gay and Lesbian Film Festival. I've watched just about every episode of Queer as Folk, and every episode of The L Word. I've never been a big fan of Will and Grace. And as optimistic as I am going into every viewing of gay media, I'm always pretty disappointed. Too many of the movies deal with coming out, whether at a young age or old. While that's nice for people going thru that process, or considering going thru that process, to get some support, but it gets old.

My other complaint is always that the characters are stereotypes at best and charicatures at worst. The ladies on The L Word might represent hollywood lesbians, but I'm pretty sure that's just about all they represent.

So my biggest hope for a broader outlet for gay and lesbian films and such would be that it would lead to a higher standard for material. Although if it's based on networks like Lifetime Real Women or some such crap, I'll be throwing things at my tv instead of just yelling at it.

And can I just say, I'm not a big fan of Ellen. So many people thought she was so brave to come out on television - as if anyone didn't already know. But could her talk show be any more straight? No. What's the point of being a gay role model with a daily talk show if you're straighter than Oprah on your own show?

Hard to write about

I'm finding it hard to blog these days. The stuff wandering around my brain doesn't make for easy blog entries.

I've been fascinated with religion lately. The death of one pope and the election of a new one and all the various reactions to both events are just one example. I've watched the first three episodes of Revelations and I'm not sure what I think of it. It's interesting that it's on tv at all.

To add in a little weirdness, I've been reading this prophet guy's stuff a lot lately. Many years ago, before I even moved to Austin, I'd go down to this church in Austin and hear him speak at conferences.

There's a category over there titled religion, and so I won't rehash my past beliefs and experiences. And I find I'm completely unable to compose coherent sentences about any of my current thoughts.

When I stopped going to church about seven years ago, it was mostly because I could envision something completely different from what I would find on any given Sunday in any given church. And while it's not something I talk about much, except with Nerdstar, I've had my ear to the ground, so to speak, listening for something really different to come along.

I believe there have been radical changes in the world we live in in the past five or six years, maybe the religious world will go thru similar changes.

Cooking and Food Blogs

The pizza dough turned out better than expected. As far as I can recall, I've never made any type of dough before. I do love to bake though. It turns out that the recipe made about twice as much as we actually needed for a pizza just for us, so it was one massive pizza dough! But, it was simple and tasty.

It really is different, and a little difficult, to find something to cook for dinner five or six nights a week when you've been so used to eating out. So far I'm mostly enjoying the challenge. Poor Nerdstar's food choices have gotten somewhat limited though. Hopefully on weekends we will go find foreign cuisine restaurants for her.

On that thought, she sent me a link to the neatest blog I've ran across in a while, Noodle Pie. I'd start with the about page and read every word on the site. Can't wait to check out the blogroll, too,

She Who Eats has some beautiful pics of food in Japan and some decent writing.

One thing I've learned being with Nerdstar is that my taste buds are definitely white. Just as my mouth doesn't seem to be able to adjust to make the sounds used when speaking Manderin, it doesn't adjust well to the different flavors used in asian cooking.

Long Weekend

It was a long weekend, but mostly in a good way. Friday night I decided to cook Nerdstar some dinner and got her some strawberries. A nice quiet night at home together sounded like just what we both needed after the stress of last week.

Saturday it was wonderful to get to sleep in. We went to see Kung Fu Hustle, it was a blast. There's a nice, big movie theater not too far down the highway, and there weren't too many people there Saturday morning. Then we spent an hour or so at Walmart. It felt more like the twilight zone. The people there were very white, and no one looked like they were having any fun. Nerdstar laughs at me for being racist against white people! The word I finally realized describes most people I observe around here is drudgery. Maybe they save all their fun and frivolity for being at home.

Saturday night we had a nice heart to heart. Nerdstar somehow managed to acquire my brain while being away dealing with her sick grandpa and family. She said things that I've had in my brain for years. Ideas like thinking a week or two of solitude in a mountain cabin might just be heaven. Ideas about how hard it is to think anything in life is worthwhile when you see that one day it ends for all of us.

Sunday her roommate from Iraq had to pick some stuff up at Leavenworth, so we all went out to lunch. That was cool. It's weird meeting someone I've heard so much about and trying to fit that with the actual person sitting across the table. Does that make sense?

So now it's a new week. It's cold and rainy today. I'm working on being a good wife (at least until I can find some sort of job) and so I did the laundry and went to the grocery store and am going to attempt to make a pizza dough so we can make our own pizza tonight.

Six Years

This weekend is our six year anniversary. Wow. I don't think either of us thought we'd make it this long. It's been a hard six years in a lot of ways, but we laugh a lot, and that makes things better.

We're in a new phase in our relationship and our lives, one I think is going to be a hell of a lot better than the previous ones.

I love you, Baby. You're my Nerdstar Snackwell. You're my heatmachine snuggle bunny. Thanks for hanging in there with me. I really would be lost without you.

The Storm

I wrote an entry and posted a couple of storm pics on the fotopage.

This and That

Not a hell of a lot going on here. I got everything unpacked except a box of files that needs to be put in the desk drawer. Well, and there's a big pile of clothes on the bedroom floor I don't feel like sorting thru and putting up. I think we lost a couple of things in the move, a few kitchen things, and several pairs of my shoes. The funny thing about that is that Nerdstar probably has 25 pairs of shoes, whittled down from 40 when she first got back from Iraq. Were any of hers lost? Nope, just mine. Hopefully I'm just overlooking them somewhere. And they weren't my favorite shoes, but still, I liked them and don't have much luck finding new shoes I like these days.

See, this is why I'm not posting much. It bores me as much to write it as it does you to read it. Which is probably why my sitemeter numbers steadily decline.

One bright spot this week. I entered my first little poker tournament here Monday afternoon. It cost $50 to enter and there were about 25 of us. I was the only woman. I came in 3rd which won me $188. Not too bad. I got really lucky at the times I needed it. Well, I actually had to get brave and make some all-in moves when I thought I had the guy beat, and I always did.

I'm also having trouble with MT lately. It saves the post after I write it, but then my website is sometimes totally blank. I have to rebuild the site a few times for it to all show up again. I don't know why it's doing this, and it makes it frustrating to write new posts.

Grandpa is still hanging in there. Looks like he'll be in the ICU for the forseeable future, but he's hanging tough. Nerdstar is coming home late tonight, we're both more than ready for snuggles.

Hard

Well, the will to live is an amazing thing. Grandpa is hanging in there. The doctors aren't sure exactly what's wrong, but his will is strong.

Me, well... the area we moved to is certainly pretty enough, but... I'm not sure I'm comfortable here. I think the problem is going to be me finding a job. We live in a small city, with another small city close by. Not much in the way of jobs it seems. And, if there were, well, frankly it appears I'd be working with small town people. Not sure how that would go. But, I really don't want an hour each way commute.

And I'm not sure how safe I feel around red neck young men. And I've never not felt safe before. Hopefully I'm just being paranoid.

It's been a hard couple of days. I'm sad about grandpa. I miss Nerdstar - a week into this new home and she's out of town. It's just hard not letting the sadness set in.

One day at a time... one day at a time...

Grandpa

Well, I thought things were going well. Nerdstar wrote the other day about her family and grandparents, and how she's worried about her grandpa in particular. Well, yesterday his health took a turn for the worse. He spent a week in the hospital, then a week at home, no one really sure exactly what's wrong with him. Then yesterday evening his blood pressure dropped and he was taken back to the hospital. The family thinks he's close to dying. So, Nerdstar and her sister both got early morning flights to Houston this morning.

For the six years Nerdstar and I have been together, I've dreaded nothing as much as I dread her grandparents dying. And it's just no consolation that they've led good, long lives well into their late 80s. And while grandpa could pull thru again, it just doesn't seem he's got a lot of life left. Then we worry about grandma. The grandparents still maintain their own home, and while grandma could move in with anyone in the famiy, she's going to be devastated without grandpa and then to have to move out of her home... sigh.

We'd appreciate your prayers for her family.

Things are Good

This is our fifth day here, but it seems like longer. I think that's a good thing. I'd say I'm about 85% unpacked. After I finish unpacking another four boxes of books and putting them all on the shelves in the right order, then it's pretty much down to all the little things and finding places for them.

Where we're living is nice and quiet. I like that. We were worried that after living in the duplex that was so quiet we'd end up in an apartment complex that was loud. The reason we're on the third floor is because I don't like to hear people walking on the ceiling.

The city we're actually living in is pretty small. Monday morning we went to the country cafe down the street. It was like walking into small town Texas. (Yes, I know, small towns are small towns everywhere.) Then Monday evening we drove about ten minutes down the highway to the shopping centers there. The contrast was comical.

I've been interested in living in a small(er) town for a while now. As because the "big city" is so close, this is really nice.

Yesterday I stopped by a branch of my car insurance offices to see about changing my policies. I didn't end up changing them yet, but I did spend the next three hours talking with the woman working there. It was kinda cool. Then tonight I think Nerdstar's bicycle group is riding to the pizza place and I'll get to meet them.

Things are good.

New Pics

Here are a couple of pics of our nice new view.

Getting Stuff Done

We have the important things - cable and internet service. We decided to go with Time Warner, simply because the whole time I've had service with them in Austin they've had really good customer service. Don't fix what's not broken. We also decided not to get a land line, because the only thing we were using it for was dial up, so we went with Road Runner. It's nice to have faster internet access!

Other than that, well, it actually looks like a much bigger mess today since I've started unpacking the kitchen. But we're pretty determined to cook more and eat out a LOT less.

I also sliced open my index finger last night. I was using a very sharp knife to cut the tape to break down the boxes, and it went thru my skin very cleanly! It took a little while to get it to stop bleeding, but it's on the top/side of my finger, so it's not too painful. Nothing like breaking in a new place with a little blood sacrifice :-)

Nerdstar is back at work today. It's also cold and cloudy! Can't complain though, with all the severe weather the past three days we haven't been rained on at all when it mattered. It was nice and sunny with a cool breeze for the movers to unload our stuff.

Here

Whatever the opposite of "Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore" is - that's us. I've tried to think of a clever line for it, but just couldn't.

We made the drive from Dallas to Ft. Leavenworth today. I was afraid it would pour down rain on us all day, and fortunately we only hit a few light showers. The pets are holding up well so far.

The movers called while we were driving and let us know they had made it up here. We're set to meet them about 8:30 in the morning so they can put our stuff in our new place.

I'm very thankful and happy that things have gone so smoothly. Nerdstar was supposed to be back at work tomorrow, but because our stuff is already here, she's going to take the day and unpack. Then I'll probably do most of the rest of the unpacking, which is fine, I like unpacking.

I'm not sure if/when this will feel like "home". But it's a new start and that's just what the doctor ordered!

Wow

I guess it's only appropriate that on my last day of life in Austin, I sold my '69 Camaro. It's hard to say when either event is really going to sink in - moving and selling. I've had that car since before I turned 16. It was the only car I drove until 3 years ago. I'm 37 now. The freedom it brought in high school. The miles piled on in college. And on and on.

Sigh.

It's weird to be so sad and optimistic at the same time.

The movers show up tomorrow. When it's all packed up Nerdstar and I head to Dallas for a couple of days with my family. Not sure when our stuff will be delivered to the new place.

Also, one of Nerdstar's buddies from her time in Iraq is in town today. It's cool meeting him. Hopefully she'll write more about it.

I'll write more when I get the chance.

Finally

I finally understand, with great clarity, why it is Nerdstar keeps me around. I am her second brain. Her original one gave out some time ago, so it's a good thing she found mine in time.

Sports and C-Span

WOW! The women's final four games tonight were fantastic! Nerdstar and I are both Baylor Alum, so SIC EM BEARS!! How exciting that both teams in the finals have 5th year coaches that have totally turned the teams around, both are in the finals for the first time in their school's history, both came back from 15/16 point deficits, and both wear green! I'm sure Baylor would have preferred to kick Tennesee's butt Tuesday night, but oh well.

So, yeah, it was a sports and C-Span day for me.

I watched the UT women's softball team beat Nebraska.

I watched the Texas Rangers loose their last pre-season game, but not badly. I'm optimistic for them this year. One of the reasons we got XM instead of Sirius is so I can listen to Ranger games up in Kansas.

While waiting on basketball to start, I caught Azadeh Moaveni speaking about her book Lipstick Jihad and life as an American/Iranian living both here and in Iran. I'll definitely check out the book next time I'm in a bookstore.

Then it was the Baylor/LSU game.

I switch channels a lot during commercials and halftime, so a lot of these programs are overlapped.

I caught part of the authors of 102 Minutes: The Untold Story of the Fight to Survive Inside the Twin Towers speaking. Again, next time I'm in a bookstore I'll be looking for this one.

I watched snippets of Roy Moore and Bill Press debating God and the constitution and such. It was interesting and annoying.

Of course, I watched the Michigan State/Tennesee game.

Also in there was watching Katherine Skiba, author of Sister In The Band Of Brothers: Embedded With The 101st Airborne In Iraq (Modern War Studies) another book that seems worth checking out.

Sigh

This is the type of post I don't really want to write. But...

Let me see if I can boil Megan's very articulate arguments down to something I understand.

Marriage is something very, very important, and yet very, very fragile. Therefore, it is ok to continue to discriminate against gays in order to protect the institution of marriage. Because it's certainly not very likely that encouraging gay people to participate in this most important institution could result in strengthening not only gay relationships, but also marriage itself.

Added:

I do understand that Megan is trying to express concern over the law of unintended consequences. But what gets lost or burried is the inherent notion that gays are somehow different/worse than straights and therefore bad for marriage. Otherwise the unintended consequences wouldn't be assumed to be negative ones.

Hmmm

I find that the more I read really strong opinions on blogs, the more I don't care about things and the less I want to blog.

I want to have less opinions about other people's lives. I want to meet people and accept them where they are. There is no way to know how anyone got to the place they are without a lot of time spent listening to them. I don't want to make snap judgements. I want to let people speak for themselves, to not listen to someone else's opinion of them. I want to live my own life in peace. Life is hard enough without knowing everyone has their own take on it.

Life is short. I just want to take care of the people in my life and worry a hell of a lot less about "them".

Boring Entry #87436

Man is it a gorgeous day today! Alas, I'm spending it lounging around. Nerdstar went to visit her grandparents tonight, one more time before the move.

I'd say we're about 2/3 packed. We've taken out lots of trash bags, given a few things to Goodwill, and have more set aside to drop off at my parents' house for their next garage sale.

The only complication in this move is turning out to be what to do with my '69 Camaro. (It doesn't run and the I don't think the tires would last through a tow across town, much less across three states.) A guy who restores cars was supposed to come by the other day and help me figure out if I want to start the restoration process, or sell it to him and be done with it. So far he hasn't come by. We think it's possible for the military to go ahead and transport it up there, and we can rent a garage at our apartment complex. But I think I'm just about to the point where I'd rather just sell it. In order to restore it I'd have to sell the few stocks I own, and I'd rather not do that - I think they're still going to gain some more.

I'm sure it'll work out one way or another. I just hate having things undecided.