Beth's Contradictory Brain

And Breathe

Oh man. We started looking online at places to live in our new city last night and it was kinda scarry! We're hoping to go ahead and find an apartment since there's really not time to really find a house. Not that I'm even sure we're ready to buy a house anyway.

We're still trying to even figure out a timeline to get both of us, the pets, and all of our stuff up there.

We're not exactly in panic mode, but I think we're both feeling a little overwhelmed.

Deep breaths - and one thing at a time...

October 16

That's the day Nerdstar starts her new job in a small town in Pennsylvania. The $$ was too good to say no to.

She got the job offer Monday while she's in Houston for a few days visiting her sister.

My emotions have been a roller coaster ever since. I'll be a little sad to leave my job, but am also aware that a year from now I'll wonder why I was sad. It's no secret we're not crazy about KC, but we're moving to a really small town, in the mountains of PA. It could be a frying pan/fire thing - but I don't think so. One thing I've hoped for in our new location is some really good outdoor activities. Well, if we can handle all the snow, there should be plenty to do outdoors. We'll see if I can get my fat ass in shape enough to even try skiing some bunny hills!

As of now I have no idea how the logistics of this are going to work out. We were planning on going to see The Kid the weekend of the 20th. It's 8 1/2 hours here to Dallas, 15 hours here to PA, and 20 hours Dallas to PA. Not much of that sounds fun. Plus all the packing and finding somewhere to live in said small town.

So that's our good news. Anyone want to come help pack??

Heroes

Wow. I couldn't tell you the last time a tv show or movie gave me chills like watching Heroes tonight did. Especially when the guy who thinks he can fly saw the art of him doing just that. And I love the Japanese guy!!

I love the premise of the show - maybe because in my heart of hearts, I've always wanted something like this to be true.

Anyway. Here's an interview with Tim Kring,creator and executive producer.

Lots of other good info here.

Patients

Patients don't care how many other patients you've already seen that day.

Patients don't care how much sleep you got last night.

Patients don't care how you feel about your boss or coworkers or other patients.

Patients don't care about much - other than you finding their vein and hitting it the first try without much pain.

And really, I can't disagree with any of it.

Interesting

I don't know any of the implications, but I find this brief article on a study done by Baylor University about religion interesting. It bears noting (ha ha ha, sic em Bears!) that I have a degree in Sociology from Baylor.

I wonder how answers would differ if the questions were about God as the Trinity - involving not only the, in some ways more generic, term God, but also views on Jesus and the Holy Spirit. My view of God mostly falls into category A, but throwing Jesus into the mix would significantly change my views.

Compare and Contrast

Here are a couple about the rock star life. This would probably work better if I actually linked the songs instead of just the lyrics (but I don't know how)… since it’s probably more about the quality of the musicianship than lyrics, but oh well. We heard both of these songs while out and around Saturday and it just reinforced for me the superiority of music from the 70’s/early 80s over stuff today.

Joe Walsh – Life’s Been Good

I have a mansion, forget the price
Ain't never been there, they tell me it's nice
I live in hotels, tear out the walls
I have accountants pay for it all

They say I'm crazy but I have a good time
I'm just looking for clues at the scene of the crime
Life's been good to me so far

My Maserati does one-eighty-five
I lost my license, now I don't drive
I have a limo, ride in the back
I lock the doors in case I'm attacked

I make hit records, my fans they can't wait
They write me letters, tell me I'm great
So I got me an office, gold records on the wall
Just leave a message, maybe I'll call

Lucky I'm sane after all I've been through
(Everybody say “I'm cool”......”He's cool”)
I can't complain but sometimes I still do
Life's been good to me so far

I go to parties, sometimes until four
It's hard to leave when you can't find the door
It's tough to handle this fortune and fame
Everybody's so different, I haven't changed

They say I'm lazy but it takes all my time
(Everybody say “Oh, yeah”..... “Oh, yeah”)
I keep on goin’ guess I'll never know why
Life's been good to me so far

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Nickleback – Rock Star

I'm through with standing in line
to the clubs i'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth
and I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
quite the way I want it to be (Tell me what you want)

I want a brand new house
on an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
for ten plus me (so what you need)

I'll need a, a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club At thirty-seven thousand feet (Been there done that)

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
And my own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me (So how ya gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

[CHORUS]
'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
Living in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'as we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With the bleach blond hair
and well..
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free (I'll have a quesadilla on the house)

I'm gonna dress my ass
with the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
blow my money for me (So how ya gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair
And change my name

[CHORUS]

I'm gonna sing those songs
that offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills
from a pez dispenser
Get washed-up singers writing all my songs
Lip sync 'em every night so I don't get 'em wrong

[CHORUS]

with that evil smile
Everybody's got a
drug dealer on speed dial well..
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

Kids

My job has expanded to include the one part of being a phlebotomist I really didn't want - that of being a torturer of small children. I think I've mentioned that our main lab also ends up staffing several other smaller offices. Lucky me has been chosen to spend a couple of days a week down at a family care office - which means I get to do four or five finger sticks or venipunctures on kids under 9 on days I'm down there. Fun.

Things go along swimmingly up until the moment they see the needle (the smallest possible). Then I swear they're overtaken by small demons of writhing and screaming. No amount of promises that no it really won't hurt that much does any good. I tell them that if it hurts as much as they think it will - then once it's over I'll let them punch me in the arm as hard as they can. And while that's good for giving them a pause, it doesn't always result in a complete end to said writhing and screaming. And not one has taken me up on the offer - because every time after the needle goes in they kinda stop and look at me like "that's it??"

It's really not the screaming that bothers me anymore - it's just the moving around that prevents me from getting the stick over and done with.

The finger sticks on kids under about 1 and 1/2 usually go better now that I'm learning the tricks of the trade (smallest possible gloves, where to stick the finger exactly, etc). Once the initial prick is over, they usually just watch and then get bored and frustrated they're being held still.

What surprises me most sometimes is how unhelpful the parents are. And even more fun is when they've got a couple of other kids along who get into everything while I'm dealing with the demon possessed one.

Note to self: make sure in the next job interview that there really will be NO children involved.

Nice

It's so very nice having a stay at home wife! It's a little strange to be the one getting up and going off to work while Nerdstar gets to stay home, it was just the oposite for so long. But I must say I'm kinda enjoying it, maybe even more than Nerdstar is! I think her favorite part is getting to go grocery shopping almost every day of the week.

So I just want to tell her I think she's a great wife doing a great job!

One Dance - Dan Bern

Because I love you
I get tongue tied around you
I never say smart stuff around you
I never say anything around you
That makes you want to be with me
So, because I love you
I will never be with you

There's plenty other people
Who I always find the words for
That I have the sweet gift of gab for
That I'm magical and good for
Who because I do not love them
Always want to be with me

Everything I say is true
So there's nothing we can do

Then what the Hell I'll say to you
Let me have one dance with you

I recognize the look
In my eyes when I see you
It's the look of one who loves you
Who wants nothing except to be with you
It is not the look that often
Gets returned in kind

Same old tales ain't nothing new
What the Hell's a soul to do
But maybe you can help me through
Giving me one dance with you
One dance with you

Why do all the rules I make
About how to act around other people
Like don't write them private notes
Trying to explain your foolish actions
Like not hanging around
For hours after it's obvious
That your presence ain't desired
Like names are not important
So if someone forgets your name
They're forgetting something intangible
That has nothing to do with you
So it's stupid to feel bad
If someone forgets your name
Why do all the rules I make
About how to act around other people
Always fall by the wayside
When I get around you

There ain't no more carrot stew
That old sky ain't never blue
That's a lie but this is true
All I want's one dance with you
My bed's unmade
My stuff's askew
I ain't heard the dumbest clue
I just want to squeeze on through
By getting one more dance with you
Stick it while there's still some glue
Move that stuff while there's a crew
Before I stumble someplace new
Let me have one dance with you

I found Dan a long, long time ago because he worked with Ani. In one of the photos he has a t-shirt that reads "cocky bastard" - I've always wanted that shirt! More recently he's worked with Sarah.

This album is the only one of his I have, and I don't play it very often, but this will always be one of my favorite songs.

Cool

China’s first out lesbian artist, who also operates Beijing's longest-running dyke bar, has released her first single “Ai bu fen” (爱不分) along with a music video depicting two women in love.

Watch the video.

How sad China has a better lesbian video than we do!!

The kite flying in the beach sceen is Doraemon - Nerdstar's favorite cartoon character, one of the three in her tattoo!

Simply Cursed

I'm not sure I can, in good faith, allow Nerdstar to fly anywhere ever again.

After having been all kinds of delayed on her flights to and from Japan, she had to fly again yesterday and today for a job interview in PA (which I'll let her tell you all about).

Not only was one of her flights cancelled yesterday, resulting in her driving instead of flying from Pittsburg to the middle of nowhere PA, but flying home today one of the flights was running too late for her to make her connecting flight - so she had to do all sorts of scrambing to find another flight home. Thankfully she won't be home too much later than she was originally going to be, but wow, this is getting absurd!!

Survivor

Anyone else watch the beginning of the new season of Survivor? I'm pretty sure I've watched all the seasons, so I thought I'd check this one out, too.

My question after watching it is - how do we write about the show without being - in the losest definition of the word - racist?
We didn't get a very good look at most of the tribes - there simply wasn't enough air time. But... How do we talk about how the African American tribe seemed to become even more subdivided into men vs. women? Or how the Asian tribe solved the puzzles pretty well and won the challenge - and if we think that might be a trend until the tribes are shuffled or merged? The Asians also seemed to identify the least as a cohesive representatiom of their race - while the African Americans seemed to feel the need to "represent".

What I think will be more interesting than having them subdivided - will be after reinforcing stereotypes, merging the tribes and making them then interact. Tribal alliances have always been strong after merges - I can't imagine how much stronger it will be this time.

I think it'll be cool to watch. Anyone think it will at all represent "real life"?

?

You know what annoys me?

That women in movies and tv shows always have some sort of shirt/bra/lingerie on in sceens that are obviously immediately after sex. I mean, I'm supposed to believe they got all naked for sex except for their "shirts"?

5 Years After

I'm still really sad, very angry, and mostly frustrated.

I still shed tears at the drop of a hat, but especially when I see images from that terrible day, or hear transcripts or phone calls to loved ones. I hate imagining what the people on those airplanes went through.

I'm at the office today where I work alone and have only a few patients all day. Maybe that's a good thing, maybe it'd be better if I were around more people - more distracted. But I think I'd rather not be distracted from my sadness today.

CNN.com is running it's broadcasts from that morning, I can't watch it, and not just because I'm at work and not at home. I don't think I could watch it at home, but maybe...

There's much I'm angry about. I'm angry that we haven't had more resolve to attack our enemies. I'm angry that so many on the left just don't seem to get who the enemy even is. I'm angry that our media is so full of shit in such important times.

But I try not to let the anger and sadness ruin my basic optimism.

We all know how short life is. So I'm just trying to build the life that I want. A life that in some small way makes other lives better.

So God bless all those who lost someone because of 9/11, God bless all those who risked their lives for strangers, God bless all who've taken up the call to defend this country and way of life that I love, and God bless everyone who's doing what they can to do the best they can.

Update:
I did decide to watch CNN's replay of that morning. I was watching it alone that morning as well, or at least until I finally had to go to work. I'd forgotten part about not finding anyone to rescue in the rubble, how the doctors and hospitals waited and waited.

I remember being glued to the tv for at least a week. I remember going to a mall in the weeks after and it being so empty and quiet.

And like Althouse, I, too, find myself checking the news every morning not wanting to be caught unaware of some new tragedy.

Right On

Rossi was one of the first blogs I started reading after 9/11. I was way down in Texas, seeming so far away, yet feeling so much a part of those horrible events in NYC.

So it seems only fitting to tell you to go read her today.

What I've been watching

I was happy to see Vincent auf'd on Project Runway. I really hope Uli wins the whole damn thing because she keeps coming in 2nd, but I have a feeling Jeffery will take it all instead. Maybe that's the way it should be.

I was sad to see Storm off of Supernova - but I am sure she'll do much better without them. What lame ass music they make as a band - how is that possible? Oh wait, after watching more than I could bear of Monster in Box (I think that's the title) - the horrible, horrible documentary about Metallica being in therapy - and learning what absolute pussies rock stars can be... maybe I can understand their lame music.

I'm so happy House is back on, I missed him. I hate what's her name's hair being darker, she looked terrible and I hope someone in production noticed it early in shooting and we don't have to see her look that bad for too many episodes.

I was happy/sad to see "Charlie Utter" on an episode of The Closer. Maybe seeing him get killed on that show will in some weird way help me miss him less if the Deadwood "movies" never get made.

What have you been watching?

Imagine that

Gas here is $2.36 - amazing. Are dropping gas prices leading the news every night like rising gas prices were - of course not.

Hello Groceries

Well, I've had several songs in mind for the Monday lyrics, and damned if I can find any of them online to copy and paste. Ugh.

There was a band back in the late 60s early 70s called Chase. I only know of them because our hick band director would take their funky, jazz, rock music and score it for our marching band. For years I had an old cassette tape of their albums, then was able to find them on cd. Only once in my life, driving back to college at 5 a.m. on a Monday morning, did I hear them on the radio. And I don't think I've ever ran across someone else who knows who they are.

Here's where you can hear a sample few of their songs.

Hello Groceries was the one I was going to post the lyrics to and dedicate them to my Nerdstar!

Two Kinds

There are two kinds of talking during sex.

The first six months it's the expected "ohhh yes, right there, mmmmm you're so good" sort of talk.

Then forever after that it's more "mmmmmmmm, did you remember to take out the trash? oooohhhhh did you put milk on the grocery list?"

Number Crunching

Well, looking at the spreadsheet I keep for monthly bills last night, I realized that having Nerdstar unemployed means losing 2/3 of our monthly income. Yikes! It sucks to realize that all of my hard work won't even cover our bills, much less things like gas and groceries.

As of now, Nerdstar has too many variables in her employment prospects to make any sense out of them, but we're good for a few months at least. It's certainly hard to start spending like unemployed people!

I'm also not sure we're leaving pergatory as soon as I'd hoped - but you never know. If I'm actually employed this holiday season, it'll be the first time in many years!