Beth's Contradictory Brain

Thougths at the End of the Year

With Facebook and Twitter being so easy to use and update, I find it harder to sit down and write a real update for this blog. A few weeks back when it was broken, I was really sad to think I might have to end it. But then I haven't really updated it much since.

Part of that is because we have 2 Bad Moms to blog about baby stuff on. But even there I haven't updated too much. I've been so worried about the baby, and even the remote possibility of losing it, that I haven't updated much over there either. But, we've made it to week 11 and things are looking good so my worrying has been reduced by about 80%.

As we come to the end of another year, though, and I can easily look back at my archives of past years' ends, I'm so glad I've had this blog as a place to document everything. I guess I could keep a journal instead of a blog, but I'm not really that good at keeping a journal.

We had another good trip to Dallas to visit my family for Christmas. Now that I see them only a couple of times a year I find I have a lot more patience and good will toward them. I love my family, but... I know you all know how it is. I thought so much about how next Christmas Pinhead will be here and how different things will be. It's hard not to wish away time.

Coming home was almost a big adventure. Fortunately, when I checked us in for our flight online, I set us up to get flight status updates on our phone. Going through Chicago in winter is always a dicey proposition. We got an update as we were headed out for lunch that our flight had been delayed four hours. Ok, but then how would we get from Chicago to DC? So, we called the airline. It took an hour and a half on the phone, but they got us a direct flight from DFW to DC on American. Cool! We could make that flight and we'd get home a lot earlier.

We got to the airport at 3:20 for a 5:20 departure. Got to the American counter and were told we had to go to the United counter and get actual tickets so they could transfer them. Ugh. It's a five minute tram ride just to get where United's counter is. Fine. Then we stood in line for six or so minutes only to find out it was the wrong line. The right line wasn't moving at all. The ladies behind us had been put on Delta by United and Delta didn't like the tickets they were given. Sigh. I kept trying really hard to stay positive and not keep complaining and cussing - but mostly I failed. We finally got the tickets we needed from United, took the tram back to American and found the counter we'd been at had closed and we had to walk five minutes down to the next one. At this point it's getting close to 5 pm.

We finally get up to the American counter and hand the lady the United tickets and our IDs and wait for her to pull everything up. She said United hadn't completed the transaction. I just laid my forehead on the counter and prayed. I told God I knew I didn't deserve help, but... She finally hands us our new boarding passes and we've got about ten minutes to make it through security and to the gate. We made it! I almost cried when I got into my seat on the plane. I understood what grace is - getting something when you don't deserve it. There were a lot of people who didn't end up where they wanted to be that day. We not only got a direct flight home, we got home 3 hours early which also allowed us to pick up Ramen dog on the way home!

I know '09 was horrible in so many ways. But for me, it feels like it was a year of grace.

For years now, all I've wanted is a house and a baby. Back on May 1 I moved into our first house. Poor Nerdstar was away with Army school. It took a while for it to feel like home, but it does now. I love my desk at the window watching our tree and the neighborhood. I love the crazy slopped back yard. I love our huge bedroom and the fireplace and kitchen. I can't wait to fix up some stuff this spring and to get it ready for Pinhead.

So much of my worrying comes from life finally being so good, and I'm scared to death the good will end. All I can do is be utterly grateful for it all.

Titles?

I've been reading this other Beth for years. I've loved reading about her and her little girl. Today she writes about titles and grocery stores. Please, go read it!

In our ten years, there has been a lot of time that Nerdstar's been working a lot more than I have. We've been in one of those times for most of this year. So, I guess that makes me a homemaker/housewife. Sometimes it feels weird being a housewife to another woman, like we should be more equal or something. And sometimes it feels weird because there's no kid to stay home and take care of. (Thank God that's changing!) I'm getting better at being a housewife. Better at grocery shopping, better at house cleaning. (Trust me, better is relative!) I've always been the accountant/bill payer. Mostly, I've always been the "spare brain"!

I also love the other Beth's observations on how different grocery shopping is weekdays vs weekends. Even back in my pre-Nerdstar days when I was waiting tables, I knew that having a day off in the middle of the week was ideal for getting things done.

One thing she doesn't mention is the "old people" time of day. I can go to the same Wally World at 9 am and it's full of old people, go there at 2 pm and it's not.

I've been thinking these past few months about being in practice at being patient when out running errands for when I'll finally have a little one in tow. And she's right, I would never have thought about where DO you put the bread/squishable stuff when there's a kid in the cart?

Bad Boys And Girls

Life's been pretty good lately. I spend a lot of my time counting down time, it was until Thanksgiving, now it's until Christmas. And I'm counting days little Pinhead's been around, days until the next sonogram. I'm less worried than I was a week or two ago, but I still worry. I also know that worrying never really stops for parents.

Anyway. We talk a lot about if the baby will be a boy or a girl, and what that boy or girl might be like - of course. We were talking with a friend of ours the other night and I told her my ideas about bad boys versus bad girls.

Probably due to some of the bad boys I dated in middle school and high school, I've always thought that boys had a better chance at becoming good - and it's because of girls. Eventually a bad boy's going to meet a girl he really likes, and chances are she's just going to be your average girl who does her school work, spends time with her family, and mostly stays out of trouble. In order to impress her the bad boy has to step up and kinda get it together. If the relationship lasts at all, then this could be that chance the boy needs to get it together. Of course, if she breaks his heart it could also set him down the wrong road even more.

I can't say I see the same thing for bad girls. I don't see them hanging out with nice guys and becoming nicer. I'm not sure what turns around bad girls.

What do you think?