Beth's Contradictory Brain

Inauguration and Such

I just can't help myself, my thoughts and feelings about all of this should be on my blog.

I wish so many things.

I wish I could feel the way so many of Obama's supporters feel about this "time in history". And while I sincerely try very hard to be happy for those who this event truly brings hope and a sense of fulfillment to, I cannot join in the optimism so many feel.

If I believed Obama had achieved anything of significance, other than winning the election, I would be happier about all of this. But I don't. He voted present too many times in his short tenure as US Senator. He never released his college/law school stuff to see what he achieved during those times. The things he tried to achieve in Chicago never really succeeded. Yes, he seems to be seeking out input from all quarters, and that's a good thing, I just hope it's enough.

I wish I hadn't heard so, so many of Obama's supporters call into C-Span radio the past few days, or through various other media outlets, and make known their absolute hatred for Bush, I might could take seriously the calls for coming together to support Obama now. The treatment of Bush by the far left for the past 8 years makes me burn with anger, and it makes me completely distrust what they have to say regarding, well, pretty much everything, especially their glowing praise of Obama. I also wish I believe more of the people who voted for him did so because of something other than his race.

I wish Obama hadn't defended Geithner. Obama spoke often about a new, improved Washington. But he calls a failure to pay taxes for four years an honest mistake. I don't think so. Geithner is not someone who should now be in charge of Treasury and the IRS. I'd have felt much better about the upcoming four years if Obama had come out when his transition team discovered the failures by Geithner and said this was exactly the sort of thing he was trying to change and said he'd be looking for a new Treasury Secretary.

I wish the media wasn't so orgasmic over the whole thing. I'm not saying Obama being the first Black president isn't an amazing event in this country, just that the media is out of control.

I believe that this year, '09, God is going to bring some of the most miraculous changes about for this country. Economic, scientific and medical breakthroughs unlike anything seen in history. And I'm having to fight very hard being very frustrated that Obama will probably receive way more credit for these events than he will deserve. That's something I'm working through with God.

All that said, I'll be watching C-Span all day Tuesday and will probably shed more than a few tears.

Money, It's A Gas

I spent the morning watching or listening to C-Span and the debate and vote on the bailout. What I heard was both democrats and republicans saying they had to do the will of the people - their offices getting calls 100 to 1 against the bailout - and vote against the bailout. I am happily surprised they did.

Then I spent the afternoon watching or listening to CNBC. Now, usually I respect the folks on that network. But today they are pissed at the "regular" folks who are too stupid to know that the bailout was going to be good for them. And I think Wall Street gave us regular folks a big fuck you today.

I have no idea where all of this leads. I was very tempted to buy some stocks today, and would have except that it takes a day for me to transfer money from my bank account to my stock buying site. Personally, our 401Ks and Roth IRAs have been steady so far. The few stocks I own mostly for fun have certainly taken a hit. Hell, Apple was down over $20 today, but it's still higher than where I bought it a couple of years ago.

I believe that given time it will all be better than ever. That's the great thing about this country. What happens in the meantime is anybody's guess.

National Book Festival

I got up early this morning to take the subway over to the National Book Festival. I've watched parts of it on C-Span in years past.

The biggest reason I want was to hear Neil Gaiman speak. I was smart enough to get to the tent where he was speaking early enough to get a decent seat. A couple of pics here.

He spent several hours after speaking doing book signings, but between being hungry and being hot and sticky, I decided not to get in line with at least 300 other people. I probably could have gone and gotten something to eat and then gotten in line, but that was just more walking than I felt up to.

It was definitely cool though.

Economic Mess

One good/bad thing about being home during the day is being able to watch/listen to the news. It's interesting to see how it ebbs and flows and changes throughout the day.

That also means that trying to keep up during all this financial stuff is maddening. I've pretty much kept to CNBC during the day.

Other than that I'm relying on two or three websites to keep up.

Megan McArdle writes the stuff that's insightful and easy to understand.

And if you can ignore the Catholic stuff over on The Corner, they do tend to help keep up with what's going on.

There's also The Conglomerate, but I haven't been following it as much.

I almost forgot, there's also The Volokh Conspiracy, a blog by a bunch of different lawyers, they've covered some of the possible legal issues of the various bail out plans.

As always, I find that if I only keep up with cable news, much less network news, there's just too much information I'm not getting.

This 9/11

One of the best things about the internets is that I can always find someone who expresses what I've been thinking much more eloquently that I can.

Today it's Larry Kudlow.

God bless America for surviving 9/11.

And let us not ever forget 9/11. Let us be thankful for our safety and freedom since that day. And let us never lose our resolve to defend and maintain that freedom and safety.

Udpate:

Last night I really didn't think I'd be that affected by 9/11 today. Then I caught part of of MSNBCs re-airing of the coverage from that day.

Part of me was broken that day. I don't know why, I was living down in Austin, seemingly far from it all. But since then I cry much, much more easily than before. That might not seem like a big deal, but it means something.

Reading the comments on this post about where people were that morning also makes the tears flow.

China and Olympics

I've been trying to compose this entry in my head for a while, so we'll see how it comes out.

I guess read this first.
THE Beijing Games are a party held in a prison. Never have the Olympics been held under such oppressive military control. Note that it's from an Australian newspaper, not American - if that makes any difference.

I know that the Olympics are all about the athletes, and striving to do your best, and all that. And I love that part of it! Although, applying the phrase "all of their life" to someone under 20 annoys me.

But the contrast between the Olympic ideal and the reality of life in China is just too big. And you'll never know that by watching the coverage of the Olympics. Do I think it's NBC's job to enlighten us. No. But the nightly news could, the NY Times could, CNN could.

I think part of the problem is that there's a wall bigger than the Great Wall of China that prevents understanding between Americans and the Chinese. I don't think either side can really understand what every day life is like in the other country. No matter how much I read, or study, or watch movies set in oppressive times and places, I'll never really get my brain around it.

You really don't have to look any further than China's hard line on internet censorship during the games to get a great example of how it works over there.

Here's a great article about the whole thing. "I'm not going to make an apology for something that the IOC is not responsible for," Rogge said. "We are not running the Internet in China. The Chinese authorities are running the Internet."

And

Beijing promised to suspend its usual programme of monitoring, which slows down the internet, and call off the tens of thousands of spooks blocking emails, monitoring websites and reporting back to superiors.

But the government line appears to have shifted. A leading official said that foreign journalists can enjoy "regular" access to the internet, but that did not mean total freedom.

Plus, you'd really have to have a background in the alternate meaning of works and phrases in China. Here's an article: Blinded By the Firewall Why the Chinese Think The World Loves China

I know most Americans don't want to "ruin" the Olympic experience by dragging "politics and oppression" into it. But there are 1.3 billion people who might benefit if we did.

Opening Ceremonies

It's kinda more fun watching with my Chinese Nerdstar. We're having friendly arguments about which country/culture kicks the other's ass. I simply say it's a shame we've done so much more in 200 years than they've done in 2000. And that having a billion people should have been much more to their advantage.

She says China's making progress. I say they still have a long way to go.

And I'm slightly annoyed at the shiny, happy portrayal of China by the NBC commentators, not that they could do anything else. (OK, they have made a few remarks of how things really are.)

That said, it is a very, very cool presentation being put on. (We started watching about an hour into it.)

MORE:

Nerdstar is trying to explain to me that the Chinese language does not have an alphabet. (The countries are coming in not alphabetically, but according to number of strokes in their character.) The characters represent words, there are no individual "letters". That's hard for my brain to really get around. Plus, how to they file anything?? Also are there other languages (Japanese??) that doesn't have an alphabet?

I'm driving Nerdstar very crazy asking all kinds of unanswerable questions.

I was wondering out loud about all the Chinese airport workers over there confiscating who knows what from all the visitors' luggage - and just how big of a black market there will be as a result.

Will the athletes all be eating Chinese foods, or will China try to accommodate all 200+ countries various cuisines?

And of course, who doesn't have "It's A Small World After All" running through their brain?

Gas Prices

I know we're all frustrated as hell at $4+ gas prices. But I was thinking that it's taken a very, very long time to get to that price - my reasoning is we've been driving cars for over a hundred years. So I was curious about how long it took to go from $1 to $2 gas then from $2 to $3 and now $3 to $4. Because to me it's not so much that gas is now $4 it's how fast the price is rising and the fear that that pace isn't going to slow down. (For the record - I do believe that either prices are going to go back down soon - end of the year or so - or that we'll find an alternative to oil in that same timeframe.)

Here's a chart I found for gas prices from 1970 to now adjusted to today's prices. We were at $2.50 in 1974 then 3.37 in 1981. Then we spent from around '86 to '06 under $2.50.

In historical perspective I'm not sure $4 is outrageous. But again, it's the right end of that chart that's scary.

This chart shows pretty much the same thing.

5 Years After

I'm still really sad, very angry, and mostly frustrated.

I still shed tears at the drop of a hat, but especially when I see images from that terrible day, or hear transcripts or phone calls to loved ones. I hate imagining what the people on those airplanes went through.

I'm at the office today where I work alone and have only a few patients all day. Maybe that's a good thing, maybe it'd be better if I were around more people - more distracted. But I think I'd rather not be distracted from my sadness today.

CNN.com is running it's broadcasts from that morning, I can't watch it, and not just because I'm at work and not at home. I don't think I could watch it at home, but maybe...

There's much I'm angry about. I'm angry that we haven't had more resolve to attack our enemies. I'm angry that so many on the left just don't seem to get who the enemy even is. I'm angry that our media is so full of shit in such important times.

But I try not to let the anger and sadness ruin my basic optimism.

We all know how short life is. So I'm just trying to build the life that I want. A life that in some small way makes other lives better.

So God bless all those who lost someone because of 9/11, God bless all those who risked their lives for strangers, God bless all who've taken up the call to defend this country and way of life that I love, and God bless everyone who's doing what they can to do the best they can.

Update:
I did decide to watch CNN's replay of that morning. I was watching it alone that morning as well, or at least until I finally had to go to work. I'd forgotten part about not finding anyone to rescue in the rubble, how the doctors and hospitals waited and waited.

I remember being glued to the tv for at least a week. I remember going to a mall in the weeks after and it being so empty and quiet.

And like Althouse, I, too, find myself checking the news every morning not wanting to be caught unaware of some new tragedy.

In the world

After having flown internationally, and while in Japan spending countless amounts of time taking subways all over Tokyo, I am so sad to have heard about the plane crash on a runway in Russia on the same day I arrived home, and today of the terrible, terrible bombings of the subways in India. That these events took place in countries far from home doesn't lessen the sadness.

On a brighter note, Pundita posts an entry about how cell phones are changing life in the Congo. It relates to posts made about a year and a half ago about how cell phones were helping people in North Korea. (I'm too lazy today to find the relevant links in my archives.)

My hope for North Korea is that someday soon it's horrible, evil leader will be dead and gone and it's poor, brainwashed people will begin the process of learning freedom. I don't know how a country full of such totally cut off people will begin or go through that process, but I pray they can and do.

Moussaoui

As usual, Peggy Noonan puts my thoughts much better than I could.

I happen, as most adults do, to feel a general ambivalence toward the death penalty. But I know why it exists. It is the expression of a certitude, of a shared national conviction, about the value of a human life. It says the deliberate and planned taking of a human life is so serious, such a wound to justice, such a tearing at the human fabric, that there is only one price that is justly paid for it, and that is the forfeiting of the life of the perpetrator. It is society's way of saying that murder is serious, dreadfully serious, the most serious of all human transgressions.

I hope he doesn't do any more damage. I hope this is the last we hear of him. But I'm not hopeful about my hopes.

Go read the whole thing

Taiwan

Nerdstar and I sometimes talk about what's going on with China and Taiwan. Partly because it's where she's from, and partly because it's what she's writing and talking about at her job.

For my part, I just never understand why China cares about dominating a little island when it already has billions of people to take care of. And I sometimes laugh that little Taiwan pretty much just gives China the finger and says "leave us alone". (You can see I'm destined for a job with the state department!)

Nerdstar was trying to explain the history of Taiwan to me the other night, but gave up. Now she sends me this link about it. Can't say I understand it much better.

Maybe she'll write more about how it all affected her grandparents!

Volunteering Wrap Up

I jotted down a few notes Saturday night when I couldn't sleep. I had a hard time sleeping at all during my time in Dallas. My parents' have horrible beds for me to sleep on when I visit. Added to that was my brain just not shutting down at all. Thankfully, I had the satellite radio and iPod, mostly I'd tune into CNN, Fox and MSNBC late at night to catch all the news I'd missed during the day.

As I wrote, Thursday was stunningly frustrating. The media was putting out notices that both FEMA and the Red Cross would essentially be handing out money. Unfortunately, neither agency could muster a decent plan to accomplish that, and people hate being lied to by the media and given the run around by agencies. Personally, I have no problem with FEMA handing out the $2000 debit cards, and am frustrated it was such a small, mostly botched effort. I had countless people come up and say they've found a place to live, were trying to find a job, and they just need some cash to help with the basics.

I pretty much knew when I went down to the DCC Friday that it would be my last day there. I went and bought about twelve decks of playing cards and handed them out to random people staying in the DCC and just asked how they were doing and if they needed anything. It seemed most had settled in pretty well by Friday. I answered a few questions at the Info desk I'd been at for a few days and toured around the area to see if things were improving regarding access to services. FEMA had finally set up a decent size area with computers and such in the middle of the area and there was a long line where people could finally ask them questions. That made a big difference.

I kind of took to thinking of the people staying there as "my people" and needed to feel they were finally in more competent hands so I could come home.

When I'd go to the SBC area and check my email and such, I'd observe people trying to help evacuees register online with FEMA and such. Several of them had never had an email account and weren't really familiar with "being online". So while it's good to have online resources, you can't always count on the people you're trying to help finding that a useful or easy to use resource.

I do have to give lots of credit to two groups of people, the medical volunteers and DART (Dallas Area Rapid Transit). DART had a table set up every day handing out free two week bus passes and helping people find routes for where they needed to go. The medical people were the nicest, most caring people helping people to feel better both physically and mentally. The pharmacies of Walgreens and Walmart also stepped up and helped people replace their meds for free.

I'd like to say I had some sort of ephinany or something, but I didn't. I didn't do anything many other people couldn't have done.

Days Four and Five

Whew. Yesterday the most frustrating day I've had in years. There's just nothing like sitting at a table where you're supposed to give information - but you have NO information to give. I've said in the previous two posts how patient these people are, but even Job ran out eventually! (or at least he should have!)

The man in charge of the Red Cross here at the Convention Center has was completely useless yesterday, and not here today. Whatever. The people like me who just show up and volunteer - they are amazing people who try so hard to do whatever they can to help whoever they can.

FEMA. Where to start. I spoke with the head of FEMA last night before leaving here. They had a decent plan. I was hopeful it would work and me and another lady did everything we could to leave that information for the Red Cross volunteers showing up this morning. Well, except thanks to bad media info (don't get me started on the media again) FEMA's plan got blown to hell again. They are set up here, things are slowly getting processed.

The best news is that FEMA will be giving families $2000 - by direct deposit if they can get bank account info, or by debit cards if not. Yes, there is tons of room for abuse, but it's better than nothing.

One good man here at the Convention Center with the Red Cross is Ron. He told me today that the Red Cross is also working on a way to literally distribute the $$ they've collected to the people who were evacuated. I trust his word on this.

I'm writing this on a short break I'm taking on computers set up by SBC in an annex of the Convention Center.

Every day I come here hoping to see marked improvement in helping these people. It may not be marked, but there is improvement.

Ok, back to it for a little longer tonight.

Day Three

I'm pretty tired. Haven't really caught up on sleep since the early morning drive down here. I get into bed and my muscles are a little achie, as is my brain.

I went back down to the Convention Center today and worked at the same table. If we had 200 people yesterday looking for loved ones, today we had about 50. I truly hope it's because people are finally beginning to find where their loved ones are.

I know it sounds like a good idea to rescue women and children first. But in reality it just means more stress for the people who are separated from family and the hard task of trying to reunite when you have no phone and no address.

I think the federal agencies are finally starting to set up shop in the Convention Center. Although it had been announced FEMA would be there today, and a few of their people showed up, they aren't set up for business yet. Head Start was there today and they're going to start bussing the kids at the Convention Center and Reunion Arena to school tomorrow. It'll be complicated - everything is it seems - but it'll be a good thing for the kids to do and it'll give their parents a break and some time to accomplish what they need to.

I don't have a good feel for the Red Cross yet. What's most obvious is that it's a beauracy with legal red tape that slows things down. I came in today to find that as of this morning every volunteer has to wear latex gloves all the time. And while this is certainly more for the protection of the evacuees from the volunteer germs, it seemed a little late in the game for such measures.

The other thing I know is that the guy running the Convention Center for the Red Cross has just about pissed off all of his 14 hour a day volunteers. I have a feeling he's one of those men who think they're being decisive and active, when he's really just being an asshole. He certainly was a dick to me my first day.

I wish I could give you more of my impression of the evacuees, but I still can't find the words. Well, actually, patient and resourcefull come to mind.

I felt bad today because I wasn't as busy. I head back down there tomorrow and see what's going on and if they need help since maybe some of the volunteers are headed back to work tomorrow. But honestly, they don't need that many people to help because things are running, maybe not smoothly, but they're running.

I'm on my brother's computer for a few. Not sure when I'll have access again.

Patience

It's weird staying with my parents, they live in the stone age, with neither cable or a computer. So I made the leap from observation to participation. I started another long day at the convention center. The biggest thing that I can say is how humbling it is. I am far from being a patient person, and yet with everyone that I had dealt with today have a patince of Job.

Today I got lucky, and got to spend the day helping people trying to find people. For whatever reason, at the convention center, there's no comprehensive list of who's staying there or anywhere else. So all we do when people are looking for someone is page them over the loudspeaker. Most of the time, they only know that the person that they are looking for, is somewhere in Dallas. Amazingly enough, about a fourth of the time, I saw them find who they were looking for.

One of my fellow volunteers, was a man named T J, who himself is staying at the convention center, after spending 5 days on a friend's roof. He's a great guy, who was just happy to have something to do.

I guess we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Volunteer update.

Nerdstar here taking dictation from Beth:

"I made it to Dallas, about 2:30 PM yesterday. Said hi to the family, grabbed some lunch at Whataburger, refilled the gas tank, and started to try to find out how to volunteer. I called the Red Cross number, they then gave me the local number. They referred me to a website to register on. It's hard to get things done without computer access when you're used to having one. I called Nerdstar to see what she can find out, and finally ended up registering as a volunteer over the phone. I heard that if you just showed up, they'll put you to work, so I headed down to Reunion Arena.

The outside of Reunion arena looked like a large garage sale. There were bunchs of shoes, clothes, diapers, etc. that people had dropped off everywhere. From my understanding, the Red Cross cannot deal with used goods, so that's why everything was outside of Reunion Arena instead of inside. I made my way to the front to find the Red Cross person. The volunteer rep. that I had talked to told me that you had to take a course in order to become a volunteer, and she didn't know when the next course would be offered or where. The phone number for registeration had already closed down for the day. I hung around for a while, trying to figure out where to go next. I found a different volunteer and told me if I went to the convention center, about 5 blocks away, that they were waiting to get enough people to start a volunteer group. So I headed over there. One thing about wondering around downtown Dallas, is that it has never been the safest place to wonder around. I have a feeling mixed in with all the Louisiana evacuees, walking outside around all these shelters, with many of the Dallas homeless as well.

Once I got inside the convention center, the Red Cross lady at the front asked me to wait until some more people had showed up, so I waited. In 15 minutes, they had a small group of us together, gave us name tags, gave us a short briefing, and sent us to work. I spent about 3 hours down there, mostly helping to set up cots. Since the convention center has just been opened the day before, there was still a lot of setting up to do.

My fellow vo,unteers were truly a diverse group of people, and it seemed that the Red Cross people, are dedicated yet realistic about what they can achieve.

They seem to want the volunteers to work in shifts. So I'll head back down there around 3 PM. Fortunately, the Dallas rail system goes straight to the convention center, so I won't have to drive into downtown.

Mostly, I have to keep on reminding myself, that even what seems like a small amount of help, actually makes a difference.

One last thought

One of the best side affects of getting out of here and trying to go help will be to finally stop the 16 hour a day reading and watching of coverage of this disaster. It'll be interesting to see the reality and not the bullshit coverage and opinion. (yes, probably my opinion included as well!)

That said, just one more thought. I haven't read anywhere someone talking about the seemingly contradictory goals of FEMA and all. Was it not stated late Tuesday night that the goal was to evacuate the entire city of New Orleans? If your goal is to get the people OUT then why would your goal to also be getting supplies IN? Now, was it possible to fully realize the magnitude of getting the people out? I honestly don't think so. How could they have anticipated how long it would take to rescue thousands of people by the fours and fives off of rooftops?

And everyone seems to me to keep leaving out the most important aspect of all of this - the city is underwater.

I'm truly stunned at the intensity of emotions about this whole mess, on both ends of the spectrum. The reverberations from this might be stronger and longer lasting than those from 9/11.

Hopefully my next post will be from an entirely different perspective.

The blame game

With all those fingers pointing every direction, it's hard to know who failed at what.

Until today I had been really impressed with the level of reporting from the major cable news outlets. I get most of my news from the internet, but you still can't beat cable news for pictures and video. Although, I wish the reporters and camera men were able to move around more instead of having the same shots for four days. If they aren't able to move around, how do they think relief workers can get in and move around? And, it would be really helpful when they run loops of video if there was some indication on the screen of when it was originally filmed. Not everyone is watching twelve hours a day and knows when what they're seeing on the screen actually happened.

Today, though, I lost all patience with the media. I understand fully the cries of "why" coming from the poor people in the affected areas. One of the most stunning and frustrating aspects of the past three days has been the inability of anyone to get information TO the people affected. Along with the food and water that wasn't air-dropped, bullhorns would have come in really handy. What I do NOT understand is the echoing chorus of the media today of cries of "why", especially after the adequately informative press conference. The media is in the best position to know how devastated the roads and infrastructure are and how that limits resources, to know the honest answers to "why" - yet the go with the chorus of hysteria instead.

Pundita wrote a great post questioning why more wasn't done at the state and local level in Louisiana and New Orleans. Everyone finds it easier to look to the federal government to do everything, but that's not the way disaster/emergency situations work. It's truly up to governors and mayors to see the needs and find the resources and ask for help. The feds can't act until being asked. My feeling - and it's just that - is that Governor Blanco had no idea what her role was supposed to be, and simply waited for FEMA and anyone else to come in and take over and fix things.

Should something as simple as food and water have been air-dropped much earlier - certainly. Is it entirely the fault of FEMA and the federal government that it didn't happen, I doubt it.

I don't know. I thought after 9/11 we would have plans in place for every disaster that could happen in this country. Why that wasn't the case for New Orleans is beyond me.

I do know that there will be plenty of blame to go around when it's all said and done.

Update:
Here's just one of what I'm sure are many such threads related to all of this over on Ann Althouse's site.

I'm trying to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Just like in some circles someone could have predicted 9/11, we knew in theory this could happen to N.O., but reality is a whole different beast.

One major, and reasonable question, seems to be "where are the rescuers" of all types. Well, again, why doesn't the media - with all their resources - know the answer to that? There are staging areas of all kinds, for FEMA, for the Red Cross, for the National Guard, how hard is it for the media to find out their locations and report that information?

How to begin to rebuild?

Now that the governor has said that everyone in the city of New Orleans must be evacuated, at least, once that happens, you’re starting with an empty city for FEMA and others to get to work. I’m leaving aside the problems of accomplishing that evacuation and starting with “after that”. Obviously, the waters must recede and the levees repaired before a total assessment can even begin. Insurance companies, FEMA, govt. aid, almost all kinds of aid depend on the assessments to determine what compensation will be given to survivors. What do people live on, and where, until that process can happen?

Then you have to clear and repair roads and bridges, restore electricity, and get potable water working before you can begin to let people back in, at least ideally. Some are saying that could take weeks. Every building has to be assessed, and with 80% of the city under water, what percentage of structures will simply have to be demolished?

Once people are allowed back to the city, and the process of demolition begins, how long will it take for business to begin to operate again? What will the cost be to those businesses? Large chains like Wal Mart, Home Depot, McDonald’s, Exxon might can afford to rebuild their stores, if they think it’s worth the investment, but what about all the small businesses? Even if their insurance pays up, are there enough construction workers in the country to start rebuilding every building that needs to be rebuilt? Without businesses up and running during the time it takes to rebuild the buildings, where do people buy goods or earn a living?

Yes, San Francisco and Galveston were completely destroyed back when – but are those even adequate models for modern day New Orleans? Do we have a model for rebuilding an entire modern city?

None of this takes into account the surrounding areas. Biloxi was hard hit, but the buildings won’t spend days, weeks under water. Without the week long flooding, infrastructure can begin to be restored much more easily.

Other than all the logistics, the biggest question is who pays? I'd say that insurance covers what it legally has to, which hopefully is a big portion. That's what they're paid high premiums for. I'd hope big business would foot the bill to rebuild their stores, but who knows if that ever happens. Then there's the government and private donations. Will any of these sources, excluding insurance's legal obligations, even pause to ask if it's worth the big bucks it'll take to rebuild? Will there be businesses or home builders that say they won't risk it again? Or will the idea that this is a once in a lifetime storm make them feel safe to rebuild?

More on the hurricane

I'm still riveted by the hurricane and now it's aftermath. I keep trying to imagine being there, and I simply can't. No electricty, no water, no phones, no cell phones, no food, no working toilets, and on and on and on. Imagine the thousands of people in the Superdome with no working plumbing.

With all the resources the media have, even they can't get into many cities to see the damage, so we don't have visuals yet. With so many places still completely flooded, or roads with trees and powerlines in them, no one has been able to get out and around with cameras, video equipment or anything. So I think it'll still be Wednesday or Thursday before we really know how many people have died and how much devastation there is.

Brendan Loy still has some of the best links and info.

This is The Times-Picayune site that is updated very regularly.

Here's raw video available of a helicopter flyover of the various parts of New Orleans, Kenner, and Metairie. I'm not sure if this was before or after the levees broke, but the pictures of all the flooding are still just heartbreaking. It's sad to listen to the commentators not even being able to recongize the areas they are looking at.

UPDATE: I can't find a text online, but Fox News' Shep Smith is reporting that the mayor is saying that the entire city of New Orleans and surrounding areas will have to be totally evacuated and might not be able to be operable for months. How do you even begin the process?

As I keep saying, I can't imagine any of it. An entire region without power - and all that goes with it, for at least a month or two after the water receeds. Then you have all the water damage - at the very least - to every building in the area. Where do you put the population of that area?

For once I don't think the media is over-hyping the situation. I'm not sure that's even possible.

WWL Updates

UPDATE: ABC News, LA Governor calls for evacuation of entire city of New Orleans.

How does that happen with no roads and highways or a working airport?

There are so many logistics questions to all of this, hopefully our military folks will be in charge and consulted, as they are at least supposed to be good at logistics.

Election Day Plans?

While our menu won't be nearly as yummy as Stephen's, we're planning on settling in for the long haul and channel surfing elections result verbal diarrhea until there's a winner or our heads explode.

What are your plans? Did you pick up scrumptous groceries, gonna order pizza, or get some take-out? Any particular channel you'll be tuned into?

Or, are you going to do something all together different and ignore the whole mess?

Diverging Points of View

Seeing Control Room made me vaguely aware of the huge divergence between the way the average American sees Americans and how the Arab world sees Americans. Or maybe it served to make it more clear and understandable to me. (Although understandable might be the wrong word.) Then, yesterday afternoon I caught the last ten minutes of a program on CNN World News (not the American version of CNN) that was a panel discussion of the Arab world's views of the handover of power in Iraq. Two statements made in the ten minutes stuck with me. Someone on the program said, in relation to an emerging free press in the Arab world that it was just an alternative to "the major media in America that we all know is controlled by Jews". Huh? No one in that room even blinked at that statement, it was just a given. Then someone else made a statement about the US occupation of Iraq being directly equal to the occupation of Palestein. Huh?

Those are not ideas that more than a handful of Americans would even believe exist, much less be true. But I'm understanding just a little that until we accept the reality of those beliefs and find a way to counter them, this war of cultures is hopeless.

So now it's almost 2 am and I can't sleep and I'm hoping to catch my Nerdstar online and I'm surfing thru Lucianne to scan headlines. I run across a story about increased anti-Islam sentiments in the US after the beheading of Paul Johnson. Oddly enough it's a link to Aljazeera's English version website. Ok, might as well see what it has to say.

And actually there are many interesting articles about reform in the Arab world.

A common theme seems to be that reform must come from within and not be imposed by outsiders. But I'm just not seeing where Saddam was in any hurry to reform his mass murdering ways.

And while the Arab world isn't too happy about the leaked Greater Middle East Initiative, I'm happy to see that this administration is at least studying the problems.

Personally, I'd love to see Arab countries reform from the inside out - as long as that process and reform didn't include calls to wipe out the American infidels. I'd love to see Arab leaders come together and help Iraq rebuild and Iran end the rule of oppressive Mullahs. I'd love to see them address the problems in Sudan. But until their unreformed selves are no longer a threat to us, I don't see any alternative to intervention.

There's also this article on how Americans continue to misunderstand Islam in spite of a rising trend in seeking out information on Islam I'd have to say that actions speak louder than words - especially when the actions are car bombs and beheadings and the words are "but we're a peaceful religion."

Nancy's Escort

I've had some google hits for this, and I've been curious as well, so I'm glad I ran across this article about Maj. Gen. Galen B. Jackman. Registration required, so I'll post some experts:

Jackman, 52, the erect, graying general seen escorting the former first lady in California and in the nation's capital, became commanding general of the U.S. Army Military District of Washington a year ago. The military command, based at Fort McNair in Southwest Washington, coordinates the funeral arrangements for former presidents.

Jackman entered the Army after attending the University of Nebraska through the ROTC program, according to an official biography. The command he heads is nicknamed the "Guardian of the Nation's Capital," focusing on security but also playing an important role in official ceremonies such as the presidential inauguration and events to welcome visiting heads of state.

Still Captivated

I just can't seem to stop watching C-Span and the people walking thru the capital rotunda and paying their respect to President Reagan. I can't get over how silent it is. The expressions on the people's faces are so clear - of reflection, sadness, admiration, respect. I love watching the changing of the guard. The parents explaining it to their children. It's moving in ways and for reasons I can't understand or explain.

Too bad it's not like nascar with these little information boxes above the people's heads with where they're from and why the felt the need to be there.

Riveted

I have been completely riveted by the events today for President Reagan. I'm sure I will be on Friday as well. It's partly the aspect of watching history. At 36, this is my first big, all out, lying in state of an American president.

It also makes me proud of this country, not, as everyone else is talking about, solely because of being reminded of Reagan's optimism and accomplishments, but just that like in our elections, handing over of power and burying former leaders is done absolutely peacefully. I'm not sure I can explain that better.

And I am enthralled with the military man who is escorting Nancy this week. He looks like the nicest man in the world to me. I watch all the people, especially military people, at all involved in these events and wonder what they're thinking, if they're proud of their service and their country, or if it's "just another day at work". Will they tell their grandchildren about it?

Politics aside, I think it's good that our country is being reminded of these ideals at this time. How weird that a death and funeral can remind us how absolutely fantastic this country is. If you're not feeling that, you're too jaded for me.

RIP

President Reagan dies.

Not Forgetting

I've spent a lot of the past three days watching old WWII movies and documentaries. Even leafed thru a book while at the bookstore yesterday.

It's been 60 years since D-Day. Is it even possible to realize and recognize how much the world has changed in that time, and that so much of it changed for the better because of the sacrifices made then? I'm not sure it is.

But, just because this generation of soldiers isn't "the greatest generation" do not believe for one minute their heroism is any less or their sacrifice any less.

It's clear in hindsight how damned important it was for the US to enter WWII and help the Allies win. Most days I believe that a successful war on terror will be even more important to the future of the world. There's just no way in the beginning of it to judge it accurately. Especially when there are so few who can even articulate what the overall goal is. (Hopefully Bush speaks to us more about this in the next few months.)

Here's to the soldiers - past and present - who fight for freedom and democracy. We can never thank them enough.

Message vs Messenger

I was playing poker during Bush's speech last night so I recorded it and watched it later. I thought the plan seemed clear enough, simple enough. (No, the reality of making it happen isn't simple.) I kept wondering if you simply took the text and didn't say who wrote it or spoke it or anything, and had people who are sort of against us being in Iraq but not dogmatic about it read it, if they would say oh, ok, that makes sense.

Basically, I wonder if hating the messenger prevents hearing the message. (Yes, that's a rhetorical wondering.)

I mean, I keep wondering how you can hear how totally brutal life under Saddam was, how there are now more jobs, more schools, more hospitals, more electricity, internet cafe's, and within a year or so 26 million people will be able to vote in a real election and think - this must stop now!!

When Bush was talking about the first elections, probably a year and a half away, I thought, wow, that day will totally bring tears to my eyes. And by then Nerdstar will be long home, our lives in any normal way totally unaffected by elections in Iraq, but still, it'll bring tears to my eyes.

How people can be cynical about Iraq and think everything matters except that life is better for Iraq's is just beyond me.

Still

I'm still sick and outraged and sad and frustrated. I don't have the energy to write about this, but thankfully Michele does. Lots of links and lots of perspective on who the enemy is, how the media fucks this story up.

Why is this being downplayed by the media? Why, once again, are people seeking blame everywhere but where to find it? Blame the people who drew the knife. Blame the people in the video. Blame their followers, blame those who bastardized the religion they follow, blame the hatred that spewed from the mouth of bin Laden, Saddam, al Sadr, Arafat and his thugs and all those who wish harm on this country.

We did not turn these people into terrorists. They have been terrorists for ages upon ages. They kill Jews. They kill Americans. They kill with glee and with righteousness and they shout their chants of god is great as they slice heads and put bullet holes in little children.

And:

So we are pretty much stuck where we are. We can't kill them all; that's a profoundly horrible option. We can't change them. And if anyone suggests that we change ourselves, then I will suggest that the person who says that is an apologist in a place where apologies are not necessary. Don't forget, the apologists will die just as quickly at the hands of the so-called martyrs as do those of us who think we have every right to be proud of our freedoms and everything that comes with those freedoms. As of yet, the terrorists have not come up with their own version of a smart bomb, which will kill only the filthy American pig-dog capitalists and Jews and leave the sympathizers standing.

Maybe their well will dry up some day. Maybe there will be less and less followers of Islam who view their religion as an excuse to murder and more of the kind who want peace and prosperity. Maybe they will kill themselves off in all their attempts to kill us. Maybe moderate Muslims will stand up and be heard and drive the terrorists out of their holes and into a hail of machine gun fire

Go read the whole thing and follow the links, join in the discussion.

Like I keep saying, this is the stuff that matters. We are in a war we did not start with a small but very deadly group of people who would rejoice if every person in this country were dead tomorrow.

Sick

I'm tempted to open this post with a string of cuss words. But what's the point?

It's a cloudy, rainy day here in Austin. I had strange dreams last night. I'm used to dreams of being in a situation where people are trying to kill me. Last night was the first time I've dreamed about ufos being real. Weird.

My only goal was to deposit some money in the bank, grab some lunch, and go to the library. The bank had a power failure and the server still wasn't back up, so that was a bust. Lunch was good. And I picked up a couple more books by Paul Theroux at the library.

Then, stupid me came home and instead of diving right into the book I started during lunch I turned on the news just in time to hear about this:

A video posted Tuesday on an Islamic militant Web site showed the beheading of an American civilian in Iraq, and said the execution was carried out by an al-Qaida affiliated group to avenge the abuse of Iraqi prisoners by American soldiers.

After reading a statement, the men were seen pulling the man to his side and putting a large knife to his neck. A scream sounded as the men cut his head off, shouting "Allahu Akbar!" — "God is great." They then held the head out before the camera.

I'm literally sick over this. Mr. Berg wasn't even in the military. He was a contractor trying to help improve communication systems over there. My heart is broken for his family.

The terrorist fuckheads didn't even show their faces and take responsibility for this horrible act.

I don't know what to say.

Spanish Bloggers

Just another example of why blogs beat old media hands down every time. Tim Blair has a fantastic post from two Spanish bloggers. (found via Jeff Jarvis.)

Terror in Spain

Every day when I get up, I still check CNBC for how the stock market is doing, then hit the cable news channels to see what's going on. There's always still a slight sense of dread knowing I could hear about attacks where my Nerdstar is, or even attacks here in the States.

So hearing about the ten bombs that went off in Spain just makes me sad. After 9/11 I'm no longer disconnected from victims of events like this just because they live so far away. Seeing the wholes left in those trains from the blasts makes my breath catch in my throat. And I know that it's not impossible for such things to happen in any city in America.

For updates about Spain try the Command Post.

Iraq

Naturally, Nerdstar and I spent considerable time talking about not just her own situation over in Iraq, but the bigger picture as well. Now, Nerdstar is not a big picture person like I am. Give her a good meal, People magazine, snuggles, and our pets and she's content. Me, I'm partial to yelling at the news on tv.

I think it's stunning and fantastic that the Iraqi's have a new constitution today, even if it's an interim one. But, like Vodka Pundit, I am more than aware that it's now up to the Iraqi people on what they're going to do, to allow to be done, with their new freedom. As I wrote back when SH was first removed from power, I can not begin to imagine going from living under constant fear and oppression to having, at least on one level, real freedom. Nerdstar isn't really sure what the locals are going to do now or next. She's going to try to really keep her ears open for the feel of things over there once she gets back and write about it for us.

The hardest thing for her is still feeling like she has no real job or purpose over there, and says there are lots of soldiers in the same boat. When every little aspect of every job in the military is so specific - and in the past for good reason - it's very hard to go from a fighting army to a rebuilding one. Yet for all kinds of reasons, practical as well as political, the president can't very well start sending troops home just yet.

July is going to be the test of the past year and a half. Either the Iraqi's are going to figure out very quickly how to run a civil society or it's all going to go to hell. Nerdstar's afraid there is just too much bad blood between the different factions for them to let bygones be bygones. So, we have to keep our strong show of force over there until it all plays out. The most interesting option is that the new Iraqi government could very well tell us to get all our troops out of there asap. I can see where that would be very tempting for them. Hell, I would be thrilled to have Nerdstar home as soon as possible. I think she's going to be in a hell of a lot more danger come June/July.

Interview

Wow. You really should read this interview with Hoder.

A leading figure (quite probably the leading figure) in the Persian blog community is University of Toronto student, Hossein Derakhshan or 'Hoder', as he is known online. Hoder's Persian blog gets an average of more than 3,500 visitors daily. This makes Torontonian Hoder one of Canada's most influential bloggers.

The idea that the Internet and blogging, in particular, can serve as important vehicles for social and political change is something that people in the Middle East seem to have adopted wholeheartedly. In Iran, anonymous blogging has allowed the current generation to disregard the strict rules imposed by politico-religious authorities. Despite censorship and filtering, the Persian (Iranian) blogging community is one of the strongest and most active worldwide.

As they say, read the whole thing!! There's a lot more going on in this world, and in blogging, than you'd ever imagine and certainly won't hear from mainstream media.

(Found via Instapundit - of course.)

Exactly

I don't think I can put my reaction to yesterday any better than Andrew did:

For me, the moment I won't forget was the sudden roar of excitement and jubilation from Iraqi journalists in the press conference room when Jerry Bremer gave the news. Salon describes it well:
"The room erupted in cheers and shouts. Iraqi reporters in the room began yelling, crying, sobbing. A middle aged Iraqi man sitting near me wept while he frantically took notes. Other Iraqis called for Saddam's death. A man sitting in the front row wailed with his head in his hands. The press conference paused briefly while the man calmed down."
It is not for us to understand fully what these people were put through. At a moment like this, when we can see fully and clearly the evil that existed for so long - evil that we in the past did our part to maintain - it is important simply to recall the dead and their loved ones. Think of every moment when some poor soul believed he was about to die, every moment spent in hellish prisons, every person tortured beyond imagining, every child dumped in a mass grave, every person of faith treated as an enemy of the state. To watch the perpetrator of this extraordinary evil brought low - into a rat-hole in the ground - is a privilege. It happens rarely. It is a moment when some kind of cosmic justice breaks through the clouds, and all the petty wrangling and mistakes and political jockeying fall away in the face of liberation from inescapable fear and terror and brutality. It was a day of joy. Nothing remains to be said right now. Joy.

The personal side

While I'd like to hope and think that the events of the past 24 hours would mean that my Nerdstar will come home earlier, I can't say I think that will be the case. There is still much to be done in Iraq. I'm sure that with the pending trail of Saddam things will still be tense there, and then the expected transfer of power to an Iraqi government this summer will also need a lot of supervision.

Also, even if the Defense Department feels they can reduce the number of troops in Iraq, most of them have been there longer than Nerdstar and the Stryker Brigade. She's not exactly at the front of the line to come home.

My biggest hope is that these events mean that Nerdstar and all of our soldiers will be safer while they have to be there. I'd trade soon for safe any day!

Joy and Hope

I don't think as Americans, with all the freedom we have and take so completely for granted, we can truly appreciate the relief and joy and all the other emotions the people of Iraq are feeling today. There are no adequate analogies. And not only in Iraq, but imagine the people still under the rule of evil leaders, to hear that Saddam has truly lost, and will never be in power again, and the hope that must bring to their hearts.

Could it be any more appropriate that this happens so close to Christmas - the worldwide time of joy and hope?

Thank God

Oh My God. You just never know what the hell you're going to read when you turn on the computer or hear when you turn on the news. I was looking at the Tacoma newspaper site trying to find news about the Sryker Brigade and see a caption about Saddam being captured. So I turn on Fox News - and sure enough, they really have him. I can't believe it. I'm almost in tears. I think I'm one of those who wish they'd found him dead - it would certainly make things more simple. But, thank God they found him and captured him. I can't imagine the relief the people of Iraq are feeling today. Wow.

Update:

Links with lots of info:
Command Post
Michele
Instapundit He's got some great posts about the elite media response - bastards!
And of course, Mr. Jarvis with his links to the Iraqi blogs themselves.

Iraqi Leaders

Let me state from the beginning this post is just my mostly uninformed thoughts, no research, no google searches. I might get to those later.

The latest round of terrorist attacks in Iraq, killing both Iraqis and U.S. soldiers, reminds me a lot of the situation in Israel. After 9/11 I thought a lot about Israel and how they could train the U.S. in dealing with small scale (small compared to 3000 dead in one day) terrorist attacks, car bombs, suicide bombs, etc. Last week I was thinking how the Iraqi leader should call up the people in Israel who are trained to look out for these attacks and respond to them and get some training. Of course, my next thought was, uh, wait a minute, who the hell IS the leader in Iraq?

And that's what I see as the biggest problem in Iraq right now. There hasn't been an Iraqi leader to step up and unite the people. I understand there are several different groups in Iraq and that is supposed to make this more difficult. But that doesn't mean the need for one is any less.

Afghanistan has Hamid Kazai, and I assume (remember, no research yet) that having him step up has helped tremendously. (Simply based on the fact that I'm not hearing of as many terrorist attacks there right now.)

Yes, the U.S. military can do a lot to help in Iraq, especially with the help of locals giving them tipoffs. But until the Iraqis really come together and say enough, we will not be terrorized any longer, not by Saddam, not by the Ba'athist (sp?) not by outsiders, not by anyone, this is our chance at freedom and we're not going to let a bunch of f*ckheads ruin it for us, there will continue to be big problems.

Where is the strong, loud Iraqi voice stating that message??

9/11 two years later

Well, here we are. I didn't make it in to work today. I was feeling kinda sick yesterday. A weird kinda sick. Not really a cold or flu, but achy and run down. I went to bed about 6:30 last night and slept on and off until 11:30. Then I didn't get back to sleep until almost 4:30 this morning - hence no work today. It was a long night of despair. But thankfully things are a little brighter today. I think I'm going to go eat some pancakes and spend the day cleaning the house. I can't tell you how neglected it all is.

As for 9/11 there are so many people who put things so much better than I.

Stephen Green has a fantastic post about not being terrorized. It and the comments are a great read.

Your other required reading is Michele's Voices Project.

9/11 Annivesary

It's really not all that long until the two year anniversary of the worst day I've lived thru as an American. I know this time last year I was still very emotionally affected by 9/11, and the passing of the one year anniversary seemed to be a hurdle that once crossed that brought some healing.

BuzzMachine has some good suggestions for stories for this two year anniversary. Somehow, I think the media's going to screw it up.

I don't have any plans, I won't be taking the day off from work (unless Nerdstar gets orders really fast and I have to go see her off). But I will spend the day thinking of all the lives affected, and wishing it had never happened, and wishing even more that it never happens again.

I don't get it

Sorry if you've had trouble getting the site to come up today - something about Hosting Matters moving sites to a new server - which would have been fine with ANY advance notice.

I don't understand evil. Really. I'm sure I've written about this before, but I'm too lazy and pissy (yes, still) to look it up right now. I can't fathom living in a country where this is anything other than a really really bad movie:

A chef at Baghdad's exclusive Hunting Club recalls a wedding party that Uday crashed in the late 1990s. After Uday left the hall, the bride, a beautiful woman from a prominent family, went missing. "The bodyguards closed all the doors, didn't let anybody out," the chef remembers. "Women were yelling and crying, 'What happened to her?'" The groom knew. "He took a pistol and shot himself," says the chef, placing his forefinger under his chin.

Last October another bride, 18, was dragged, resisting, into a guardhouse on one of Uday's properties, according to a maid who worked there. The maid says she saw a guard rip off the woman's white wedding dress and lock her, crying, in a bathroom. After Uday arrived, the maid heard screaming. Later she was called to clean up. The body of the woman was carried out in a military blanket, she said. There were acid burns on her left shoulder and the left side of her face. The maid found bloodstains on Uday's mattress and clumps of black hair and peeled flesh in the bedroom. A guard told her, "Don't say anything about what you see, or you and your family will be finished." From Time magazine. Found via The Corner who I still won't link to.

I also can't imagine anything but sheer joy at the news that this evil fuckhead and his brother are dead.

So when the democrats respond with shit like this:

...I'm running for president because I believe George Bush has left us less safe and less secure than we were four years ago. I'm calling for new national leadership because the Bush-Cheney bravado has left us isolated in the world — fracturing 50 years of alliances, calling into question our credibility, squandering the global goodwill that was showered on us after 9/11.

I'm seeking the presidency because foreign policy isn't a John Wayne movie, where we catch the bad guys, hoist a few cold ones and then everything fades to black. Richard Gephardt

The AP reports that Howard Dean "shrugged off" the news saying, "the ends do not justify the means."

Well, needless to say all that just makes me even more pissy.

Can you even imagine having a man as president who wouldn't even see it as a good thing that mudering, raping, fuckhead dictators were not only removed from power but dead??

The words less safe would have a whole new meaning if a democrat were elected in 2004.

Iran

From what I can tell, there are some amazing things going on over in Iran. The protesters aren't just students anymore, and it seems they're really trying for change. This site is by the Student Movement Coordination Committee. This is a list of Iranian bloggers posted by BuzzMachine.

History In My Lifetime

History seems to be happening all the time. I'm old enough to remember the Berlin Wall coming down, but I wasn't old enough at the time to really understand it's impact. Although I remember being absolutely terrified of an atomic bomb going off and obliterating everything, the Cold War and it's reality for the people suffering under Communism wasn't real to me.

Even the Challenger disaster didn't really register with me, although I was in high school.

So the first historical event to truly make an impact on me was 9/11.

And then there was yesterday. At work I was reading and hearing about the fall of SH's statue in Baghdad, but it wasn't until I got home from work and saw it all on tv that I couldn't hold back the tears.

I simply cannot imagine what it must be like to live your life in real terror and fear and then have the day come when those who terrorized you are no longer in power over you. I try to imagine it. I try to read as many stories of what the Iraqis are saying as I can.

I can't express how deeply I wish I were a braver person. If I were I'd be on a plane to Iraq to help in any way possible the rebuilding of that country. To help bring the internet and communication and education and just plain old fun to people who so desperately deserve it.

There are people out there who would say I'm just being an arrogant American. And while I probably am an arrogant American, I still believe that freedom is something everyone is this world should have.

I hope and pray the people of Iraq embrace freedom and don't let more thugs into power. I try to wrap my brain around all of the things required to start a new democracy, a new economy and everything else. Wow. The task of starting sort of from scratch, but not really. How do you hire policemen and set up laws when the people are so used to the police being the bad guys?

I've read a little about the rebuilding in Afghanistan. I saw a documentary on how they developed and established a new currency and such. I wish the media would do more stories about how well things are going over there, and even the problems they've had so we (the general public) would have a better idea of some of the things the future hold for Iraq.

Well - here's to a new day in Iraq.

Friday Thoughts

Just the fact that today is Friday has improved my mood. That I only have less than three hours left at work is even better!

A lot of my co-workers are liberal democrats, so I usually just don't even both trying to discuss current events with them. But I was talking with one of them this morning. I think she's one of those people who just read and listen to the wrong sources. She's against the war for a lot of the typical reasons, but wants to support the troops. The humanity of the troops has been hitting home for her more in the past few days, especially since another of our co-workers has two sons over there.

I wish I knew a lot more about the history of wars. But I can't imagine another time in history there were so few casualties in the first days of a war.

The television coverage is also fascinating (while being boring at the same time - which is a good thing!) I never understood the battle scenes in movies about the Civil War and such where the locals would go stand on the side of the battlefield and watch. But now we have the luxury of watching it on tv from our climate controlled homes.

Feeling Solemn

Once again, I'm still finding it so very strange how I've been reacting to the past couple of days in exactly the same way I felt after 9/11. This morning I'm all serious and somber and having a very hard time being patient with people who aren't feeling the same way.

Last night I watched Angel. Seems I keep starting to watch a tv series toward the end of them. But wow. Way cool show. Thankfully there are dvds I can go back and watch from the beginning. Survivor was a nice distraction as well. I tried not to watch too much news, because there really wasn't anything to watch. Endless speculation just wears me out. I think that's why I like reading my news instead - it's not as repetitive.

It struck me as really strange to watch the live shots of Bagdad in the time between the end of the 48 hours and the presidents speech. To see the sun coming up halfway around the world. But the oddest thing was seeing cars on the roads there, and even people out walking around. I mean, where in the hell were those people going?? It's not like the stores were open.

After the speech I just went to bed. Because it was daytime over in Bagdad I didn't expect much to happen over night. Nerdstar wasn't home from work yet. I layed in bed and prayed. I actually felt peaceful and fell asleep for a few minutes.

I try to imagine what it must be like to live in Bagdad this week. I've read several times that there are many Iraqi's who are waiting for liberation. I hope it comes quickly for them.

Damn, Buffy is another re-run. Yes, it's a fantastic episode, and maybe the "people in chage" are running this one again to remind us of stuff before they get on with it. But damn, it's still a re-run.

Last night Ramen was funny. First, Silly was outside the fence to the tiny back yard, and Ramen ran out there barking at her like he was protecting his house from this mean old cat. Problem is, she's his cat. I've tried and tried to explain to him that Silly and Little Man are his cats and he really should be nice to them. But because they won't play chase with him, I don't think he likes them much. So I yelled at him to be nice and explained to him that if I ever have to make a choice between making the cats happy and keeping him, he's going to go live with grandma! Not too much latter, I went into the bedroom to get something and he followed me in there and went to bed. It was like he was all sad so he called it an early night! Yep, life with pets is good - or so I'm told!

Rant time. Remember how everything was supposed to be different at 9/11. It was "the death of irony", there would be no more partisan politics, etc. etc. etc. I guess I'm kind of feeling all of that again. I'm losing patience with "trivialities" and politics and bullshit. If I'm ever world dictator, rule #1 is going to be honesty in all things. Can you imagine what business and politics would be like if they all had to state their true intentions?

pause

I don't know how to express what I'm feeling. All the shit going on these days isn't about politics, it isn't about patriotism or anti-americanism, or opinions and censorship. It's about freedom and safety and a better world.

What's happened in this world in the past fifty years that we can't see a damn thing clearly anymore?? Was it really Vietnam that changed this country so much? How can the "american psyche" really be stuck like that?? Maybe it's not, but the talking heads sure are.

I guess my irony is that even as I call this site "beth's contradictory brain" all I ever want is truth and absolutes. I don't want shifting shadows, I want things to be plain and clear.

Well fellow readers - what's your take on all of it?

After the speech

Well, here we go. My chest has felt tight all day today. I guess this is what anxiety feels like. In some ways it was good that work was swamped today. On top of the phones being busy as hell, one of my coworkers was out today. It kept me from obsessing all day.

I know it gets said time and time and time again, by so many people. But this tightness in my chest is all about 9/11 and some deep fear that something like that can happen again in the next few days or weeks. Every time I log onto my computer and check Drudge, or turn on the tv to check the news, I kind of hold my breath and hope that there aren't buildings on fire, that I don't see gas masks on first responders in LA or Chicago or Dallas. 9/11 and the months that followed are seared in my heart and mind in ways I can't explain or articulate. Even after the time that has passed, I still tear up so much more easily than before that day. And that's just the one tangible after affect.

So I have to hope and pray and trust that my government feels that searing so much deeper than I can imagine. And that from that, they honestly are doing what they see as necessary to prevent such horrible things not only from happening here, but also in the rest of the world.

Other than another terror attack here in the U.S., Nerdstar and I really fear biological and chemical attacks on our troops. She just missed being in the army for Gulf War I, but she has seen the affects of the Gulf War Syndrome. And we both know this time could be even worse.

But I truly believe the risk of doing nothing is greater. And I'm proud to live in a country that is not content to seal our borders and disengage from the rest of the world, but is willing to send our loved ones to liberate people in other parts of the world.

I've read some pro-war writers' blogs today and they've wondered if the divide between pro-war and anti-war is too deep for friendships to survive. There are a lot of blogs I read every day, mostly thru DykeWrite, that are so sternly anti-war. I just can't understand that position, as I'm sure they can't understand mine. Only time will tell if the course our government is on is the right one.

I'd give anything to know what the world will look like in five or ten years. I believe the world will be a different place. Again, I can only hope and pray it's different for the better.

Not Again - The Space Shuttle is gone

How sad. How very sad. Another tragedy on another beautiful day. It feels even weirder knowing it was over Texas, so relatively close to my parents' house. It's a modern miracle there is a space program at all, accidents are bound to happen. But that doesn't make it any less of a tragedy.

God bless the families of the astronauts.

update 11:22 am For the best on the web I've seen about all this - please go read Instapundit. The info and links there are amazing.

Such strange times we live in. 9/11, war, the general overall threat that another terror attack could happen at any time, this space shuttle Columbia disaster... but what strikes me as odd is the way we all just keep on keeping on, as if we're not living in strange times.

Nerdstar had gotten up to drive to Houston this morning for the Chinese New Year. Not long after she left, I went back to sleep and she called. I could hear CNN being broadcast over her XM radio. She said, turn on your television. My first thought was we're at war, the second was more terrorism. If I'd been driving with her to Houston, it would have been so tempting to drive on over to where all the debris is today. Now I'm not sure what I'll spend the day doing. Watching the tv, reading.

One more link - this blog is going to try to keep up with the various info being posted about the space shuttle. The weather radar pics showing the debris trail are stunning.

If/then?

While it seems a forgone conclusion that we're going to war with Iraq, I've been wondering how it will all play out. By the end of this month, it's reported there will be at least 130,000 U.S. troops over there. I know the stated goal is a regime change in Iraq, meaning Hussein will no longer be in power. For the record, I believe that is the goal and am highly in favor of it, and yes, even believe the Iraqi people are for it.

So, I'm assuming Rumsfield and company have some pretty damn good plans for actually finding the man and ... and that's my question - then what? Let's say the amazing Army/Marines actually find Hussein - do they shoot to kill or do they capture him? What in the world will be the reaction both here in the states and around the world for either scenario? Will the bad guys in the world who threaten more terrorist attacks threaten us more if we kill him or if we capture him? And let's say we do capture him (or Bin Laden for that matter) what the hell do we do with him? I can't even imagine the kangaroo world court that would arise.

I also can't imagine that there won't be thousands of American soldiers killed in the attempt to kill/capture this one man - no matter how good the plans are. I mean, sure, it would be beyond great if we could go in after a couple of days of having bombing and find that the bombs had dropped on his head, one of his own men had blown his brains out, or barring that, if one of our guys (girls?) blew his brains out. But I don't think it will be that simple.

So, why in the hell isn't the administration and media honestly getting this country ready for what's to come. CNN (which I hate beyond belief) has almost non-stop Iraq/war "coverage" - but are they actually giving us any useful information or tellings us best/worst case scenarios and how we can deal with them?

I have a feeling Bush will be doing many more such news conferences once the war actually starts "for real." (I think it's already started in some ways.)

I just don't see too many good tunnels on the way to that light at the end.